After Forever & Ever

Chapter 39

Hardin-Present

It's no secret I've been extremely fucked up countless times. But every other time has been on purpose.

I also got really good at being extremely functional drunk or high. So being drugged and being completely useless and barely remembering a damn thing was definitely not a good experience.

I googled "what does it feel like to be roofied?" And first they want you to know "it's not your fault this happened to you" but also it basically described the end of my night.

Tessa texts me that she will be here in 5.

I text her back letting her know to come up and come into my room. I still feel like if I stand I might pass the fuck out. I feel like someone just used a horse tranquilizer on me. This is fucked up...

I also don't know how in the 5 min that she texted me until she got there I passed back out but I did...so next thing I know she's sitting next to me on my bed and puts her hand through my hair.

"Shit I'm sorry how long have you been here.." I say as I grab her hand and gently kiss it.

"I tried to wake you a couple of times but you weren't budging...but it's been almost an hour." She tells me.

"Fuck I'm sorry Tess." I say to her... I want to sit up but laying sounds so much better right now.

"Hardin...there is something I need to tell you." She's says to me and that's never a good thing.

"What?" I question this also making me sit up.

"I tried to stop him but Vance basically called together an intervention." Tessa tells me.

"Fuck is this a fucking joke?" I ask.

"I wanted him to talk to you first." She tells me.

"I told you I didn't take anything...it would have been nice if someone for once had my fucking back." I say to her.

She starts crying "Hardin I didn't know and his mind was made up." She says.

"So everyone is out there right now?" I ask.

She just nods her head to gesture yes and she is still crying.

I let her cry into my chest for a moment. "I'm sorry" she says. And a flash from last night comes into my head Zed asked her if she was going to come crawling back to him when I'm gone....

I feel anger and calm all at the same time set over me which is very weird for me.

She says it again "I'm so sorry" this time I respond with "for what?"

"Everything" she says.

Before I can see if she says more. Vance opens my door.

"Hardin I need you to come out here." He says.

And I'm just so fucking mad right now. But I've been here before and the old Hardin would just fucking leave. And let this fucking ruin me and ruin everything.

But I'll hear them out...I'll just fucking take it. Because my life is one big joke only this shit could fucking happen to me.

So even though I feel like absolute trash I get out of bed and walk out of my room.

And Yes everybody was out there...

Vance, my Mum, Ken, Landon, my sponsor...and some dude I've never seen in my fucking life.

I just go sit at the island bar stool in the kitchen since it's connected to the living room.

"Hardin do you know why we're here?" Connor says.

"Can we just get this over with?" I ask.

"Hardin you need help...I found a really great 90 day program in Tacoma." Vance says.

And honestly after that I just tuned everyone out I don't know if it's because I'm still messed up or if I'm just so tired of all the fucking bullshit in my life.

"Hardin?....Hardin?" Vance yells at me.

"What?" I yell back.

"Will you agree to go?" He asks me.

"Yea...yea sure." I respond and walk away back into my room.

I just lay back down. And pass the fuck out again.

I wake up and look over at my clock and it's 4:04...I grab my phone and see it's 4:04AM I honestly had no idea whether it was 4 in the afternoon or 4 in the morning.

I roll over and Tessa is laying next to me. Her eyes open when she realizes I'm up.

"How pissed is everyone?" Is the first thing I think to ask.

"I think everyone is better." She says.

"How so?" I reply.

"I believe you.... and I tried my best to make sure they did too." She tells me.

"Yea...well how did that go?" I ask.

"Everyone has been through a lot with you Hardin... I think time will show everyone you aren't that person anymore." She says.

"Do you believe that?" I ask her.

"I do." She responds.

And I want to follow up with "then why did you fucking hook up with him" but I don't.

Because well honestly I want to see how long they will both lie to me for.

And obviously I don't know what really happened and who knows if I ever will but I do know they are both lying to me. And something went down.

And I'm the fucking idiot who thought her and I could just well....be okay. I thought if I changed... did everything she ever wanted from me that it would be good enough.

That's probably why she wouldn't say we were together too...

I'm thinking all these thoughts as I'm staring at her.

She goes in to kiss me and I don't stop her. Like I said I'm going to let this play out see how long they are both okay lying to me.

Do I still love her? Absolutely. But I don't want to be played either...

We keep kissing and she positions herself on top of me. I take her shirt off. God she's beautiful. I slide her off me a second so I can take her panties off and slide my pants down. I position her back on top of me and slide my dick inside of her. We continue to kiss and she is grinding up and down on me.

It feels so fucking good to be inside of her. I am so mad yet love her so much at the same time. How fucked up is that? And again who am I? Old Hardin would have reacted without hesitation and never would I even hear her out.

And yes I probably should just ask her. But this will tell me more. Either she will be honest and upfront with me. Or play me like a fucking fool.

I realize my thoughts are wandering away from the moment and I snap back in it and when I do I start getting off inside her. She slides off of me and lays back down.

"That was amazing" she says.

I lean over and kiss her on her forehead and pull her into me.

God this fucking sucks and hurts so fucking bad...