After Forever & Ever

Chapter 159

Tessa-The End Part 1

We already knew coming back to LA after our London trip was going to be hard because before we even knew where he was....there were 2 options the next time we came back to LA was going to be either with or without him.

That we knew.

The ride home he pretty much only sleeps the whole 11 and a half hours. And I think it was partly because he could barely keep his eyes open that's how fucked up he was...and I tried to sleep but my mind was racing...

When we finally land I wake him up and I think all of us are hit with the harsh reality of what him being back means. He's so clearly hungover and looks like absolute shit.

We are all starving and so we go to grab food and talk before going home.

I think both of us are waiting for him to lead the conversation basically because I need him to, I need him to give me something...anything.

"Are you guys ready to order?" He asks us.

Vance pushes his menu down....meanwhile Vance hasn't said a word to him since he got on that plane..

"Hardin we need to talk about everything before you come back into our lives." Vance says to him.

"I know." He simply replies....but he isn't saying anything else. Until he finally speaks....

"I'm fucking embarrassed. Everything you both said is 1000% true I am all those things I am a shitty dad, shitty husband, fucking prick....all of it. I'm ashamed that I couldn't keep it together. I want to tell you that it's the only way I survived the last 6 months but that's not fair either because it was a cop out....and it was again selfish. It was the only way I knew how to deal with what I did. What I did to both of you....to my family. And I know my words are meaningless at this point but I'm sorry. I am so fucking sorry." He tells us.

"I can't watch her get destroyed again Hardin. I might be speaking out of turn here but I think it's very clear she loves you and will do anything for you.....I just want to see the same from you." Vance says to Hardin.

"Vance it's okay." I follow with.

"No Tess it's not. None of it was okay. He has to be better or we both have to know when to walk away this time." Vance replies.

"I get that. I guess I just have to know why Hardin, why you were so adamant about not coming back to LA?" I ask him.

"Well one, I was out of line before when we had that conversation and I am sorry for that too. I know it's not an excuse but I think I was still fucked up from the night before. And two, if I'm being honest I was scared or I am scared. I'm scared to be back I'm scared to face everything....and everyone that I put through all of this....and getting to feel what it felt like to just disappear I started being okay with doing that permanently. But again I realize now that's the coward thing to do and I have to face what i did good or bad." He replies. Which his whole attitude and demeanor are different from yesterday but now the issue is ensuring him staying clean because then it's only a matter of time before his next irrational thought and out of line be hobo or and everything else that goes with it.

"I can't have you using drugs or being drunk around Emery and it's only 2 months away from the new baby....I need to know you are going to be clean." I tell him firmly.

"Consider it done. I'm not going to let you down again I promise." He tells me.

"I'm sorry Tess...but we have been through this before. And his word on that doesn't mean much. I'm not suggesting in patient because you do need to be home with your family but I think outpatient everyday, sponsor, AA, drug tests....all of it Hardin and you have to get set up with your probation, which is just another reason you need to stay clean." Vance says to him.