After Forever & Ever

Chapter 56

Tessa-Present

I am a mom.

I am a mom and this is my daughter. I honestly can't believe she's here. She is so little and gorgeous and I want to do everything in my power to protect her.

When I woke up it was like I had this feeling that came over me that if there is anything in this life I do it's to keep her safe.

From the second I saw her I was in love. Her perfect litter fingers and toes. Just everything....she's perfect.

I am sad that my labor and delivery went the way it did. I feel like I was robbed of that experience for many reasons.

And when I woke up and I saw he wasn't here I was relieved. But my mother told me he had stepped out to grab a bite to eat and so I knew he was coming back and I needed to make a decision on how I was going to handle what happened.

And honestly having Emery changed everything for me...almost instantly.

And my mother was right I don't want to live the life she did and that is why I had to make him leave.

It doesn't make it any easier though.

Holding Emery and feeding her off of me is the most amazing feeling. Even though I'm still in so much pain and so uncomfortable in my own skin seeing her makes it all worth it.

My mother comes back in the room after Hardin left and I was waiting for a snarky comment but she doesn't say anything.

The nurses are changing shifts and the one that comes in to cover the night shift asks me "did dad go home to get some rest...he was so awesome with her....instantly."

It's none of her business obviously so I just reply "yes he was tired."

My mom wanted to spend the night but I told her she should go home since she is still in the clothes she wore for the shower.

After she leaves and it is just me and Emery I go back and forth between me making the right decision and making a huge mistake.

And I'm worried he might do something. I decide to call Vance. He picks up almost right away. "Hey Tessa, congratulations! How are you feeling?" He spits out.

"Thank you, I'm doing better." I reply.

"That's really great I'm so happy for you guys." Vance says.

"Vance have you seen Hardin?" I ask him.

He takes a breath "he's not with you?" He questions.

"I made him leave but I still wanted to make sure he was okay." I tell him.

"Tessa he loves you and he loves Emery...I think this is the one and only time I'm going to defend him. But he made a mistake and you guys are a family you can't fight like you used to or overreact. Not to say you are because it is serious he does need help and he knows that but he also deserves to be with you guys." He says which I don't know how to feel about it.

"I just don't want him around Emery if he is using." I tell Vance.

"I get that and I don't blame you for that but I'll see if I can get in touch with him and I'll keep you posted." Vance says and hangs up. He sounded frustrated with me.

I don't know if I blame him...

Hardin-Present

When I left the hospital I had a lot of thoughts go through my head...

But I chose to get an Uber and head to Tessa's apartment since that was where all the baby shower items were dropped off at.

I thought we had more time so I hadn't got around to setting up Emery's crib. So I went to the apartment and just started putting everything together and getting everything set up so that when they get home she doesn't have to worry about anything.

I decide to rest my eyes for a few seconds and lay down on the floor in the room that will be her nursery. I did at least paint this room a couple of weeks ago so it is a nice grey color with pink letters on the wall that spell out her name.

Next thing I know I am waking up to Vance nudging me.

"Hardin!! Are you okay?" He asks.

I sit up and look down at my phone it's 2 in the morning. "What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I couldn't get a hold of you so i got worried." He tells me.

"I guess I fell asleep." I tell him.

"Did you do all this?" He asks.

"Yea...I just want everything to be set and I didn't want her to worry about anything." I tell him.

"I heard about her kicking you out...are you okay?" He asks.

"No.."I simply reply back. Because I'm not. I'm far from being fucking okay.

"I'm sorry man I would just give her time she just had Emery and went through a lot...emotions are high." He replies.

"Yea...I am going to get everything set here and I am going to go to LA I don't want to upset her by being here when she gets home." I tell Vance.

"Hardin don't make any drastic decisions give her time." He tells me.

"I'm always going to be the disappointment in her life, I don't want to be that in Emery's either." I tell him.

"What does that even mean?" He questions raising his voice.

"It's just going to be better for everyone if I'm gone...Tessa made that really clear." I tell him.

"Please just think about this and go get some actual rest not on the floor you look exhausted." He says to me.

"Okay." I say as I walk him out and go lay down in our bed or her bed or whatever this is.

I feel like I pass out instantly. I wake up at 6am sweating my ass off in a panic. I had another nightmare.

"Fuck." I say out loud and decide to jump in the shower.

I'm still fucking exhausted but I finish getting everything put together, I clean the apartment so that it is spotless. And then I start packing my stuff.

I look up flights and I can be in LA tomorrow night.

I decide I am going to write Tessa a letter this time and leave it here so she can see it when she gets home. Because I know giving it to Vance didn't really work out too well last time.

I just start writing. A lot of apologies...a lot of reflection on all that we have been though. But mostly that the one constant has been how much I love her. And although it's lead me to do some crazy things. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her and now Emery. And if she truly wants me gone then that's what I have to do I guess even though it's breaking me.

This might be the one thing I can't get through...