After Forever & Ever

Chapter 93

Hardin-Present

"Are you okay?" Vance asks me when we get outside.

"I don't know....am I ever Vance?" I reply.

That fucking sucked. It was so fucking hard....everything in me wanted to stay and just say we can fix this. But I know we can't. I think she knows we can't. At least not now...or maybe ever. I don't fucking know anymore.

Going to LA where I had every hope we were going to start our lives together there. I thought we would be engaged. I thought I would have my family, my music, my fucking life.

But I am the idiot...for thinking for a second this life was going to allow me happiness.

The only reason I am even going to rehab is for Emery. If I didn't have her I would be dead....not that me being in her life will bring her any value. But I have to do this for her...I know that.

The flight seems long and its pretty silent between Vance and I. Maybe he is scared to piss me off or just doesn't want to say the wrong thing. But I appreciate the silence.

Getting off the plane I have text after text from Tessa and as I am looking at my phone its ringing and its her.

I hesitate but I answer. "Hardin." she says into the phone.

"whats up?" I reply as sort of brushing her off.

"I can't do this." she says back into the phone.

"Do what?" i question.

"Know that we aren't together and that there is no guarantee we ever will be again." she says.

"ok..." I respond.

"Ok...all you are going to say is ok?" She says slightly raising her voice.

"Well what do you want me to say?" I say raising my voice back.

"Why is this is so easy for you?" she asks me.

"You think its easy, you think knowing I fucked up my life so bad it cost someone else their life....you think that's fucking easy. And the one person who I counted on to be there decided she couldn't fucking do it anymore. Face it Tess when I needed you most...you walked away. The biggest moment in my life our daughter being born...you pushed me away. So forgive me for not feeling bad now that you are having a hard time with this." I yell into the phone and Vance looks at me and tells me to lower my voice especially since we are in the airport.

She doesn't say anything she just starts crying into the phone.

"I have to go." And I hang up.

She tries calling back and I ignore the call...so she calls Vance's phone. He does answer and he walks away from me. I can hear him say...just give him some space he will come around....

We get an uber outside of the airport and Vance gives the address. When we arrive it looks like an apartment complex. "Where are we?" I question.

"So this is an outpatient program...you get to live in a sober living apartment...there is a curfew but you can pretty much come and go as you please during the day." Vance replies.

"Okay...so not rehab?" I question again confused.

"Yea there is doctors and therapists who will meet with you and you can schedule the appointments yourself and then there is random drug testing." He says sort of nonchalantly. As if this is a good idea...which I don't really know if it is.

"I'm so fucking confused." I respond and we get up to the apartment. Vance turns the key and opens the door.

It's a decently nice looking place it looks brand new. And it is furnished.