After Forever & Ever

Chapter 123

Hardin-Present

I guess this was the until I was waiting for... after undoubtedly the worst most agonizing days..weeks...almost 2 months of my life. I feel better...

If I had enough energy to kill myself I probably would have but that's how miserable I was.

My head felt like it was going to explode towards the end the pressure was unbearable and I thought this is it this is how I go out.

But here we are almost 10 weeks since my surgery (which I have a pretty cool scar too match the one I already had) and I feel good.

My doctor allowed me to stay off my bipolar meds and do a trial run and so far so good. He said it was possible where the tumor was located it was causing my violent outbursts and uncontrollable behavior.

There has only been one problem and I haven't been entirely truthful with Tessa. But there are huge gaps of time that I am missing....I don't remember the moment we met. Any of our firsts...nothing from when we first started dating....and it fucking kills me.

I don't want her worrying or thinking anything is wrong or upset her so I'm just not going to tell her. And I'm still hopeful those gaps will come back...

This weekend she is going to be meeting Landon in New York to visit Dakotah. She didn't think she should go and she didn't want to leave me but I insisted for her to get out of town and enjoy herself.

She is leaving in an hour so I am trying to soak in our last few moments before she's gone for the weekend.

"I'm going to miss you." I tell her.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay home?" She asks.

"Tess it's been 2 and a half months stop I'm fine, enjoy yourself." I reply.

"I know. I know but I just...worry that's all." She replies.

We cuddle on the couch until she has to go and as we are laying there Savannah texts me...which is why I'm not going this weekend Savannah and I have a deadline for this weekend on a song we have to finish.  The deadline was extended because of everything going on with me but this was the longest they would give.

Savannah and I started talking again after she realized I wasn't ignoring her and I was just way more fucked up then we ever thought....but it's been months since I've even seen her so she started working with a new artist which is fine I was ready to let that go and work on my own. Oh and she is dating JJ now. Who she said would be coming by too. Who Tessa hates....which I don't blame her for that. He is definitely not clean and he got Savannah into some shit too. But I'm sure as fuck not going to get involved in that....

And okay I know this all sounds bad but I'm good better than I've ever been just like my doctor keeps saying.

"Why do you have to wait until I leave to hangout with her again?" She asks.

"I just figured it be a good time to finish this song and not feel like I was taking any time away from us." I reply.

"Mhm." She replies slightly annoyed.

"I love you and you have nothing to worry about plus she's with JJ now." I tell her.

"Is he going to be here?" She asks me.

"Uh no I don't think so." I lie.

Stop Hardin you are good, things are good....don't fuck up.

"Actually you know what you're right I'll try and see if we can wait another week and do it a weekend you can be here." I say to her.