After Forever & Ever

Chapter 65

Tessa-2014

I don't know what finally got me to the point that he isn't coming back and I have to move on....

But there is an ABC party at Easton's fraternity and so I feel like tonight might be the night that I just well move on...

An since ABC stands for anything but clothes....After googling outfit ideas for hours I decided on wearing my twister board. I am going to use white duck tape so it stays together then tie a big red bow around the waist so that it has a little bit of an accent to it and I have yellow converse that I am going to wear.

Easton is picking me up soon...and I am looking at old pictures of Hardin and I on my laptop...how pathetic.

I even have screenshots of old texts messages between us. I don't know why. I guess I just always hold on to the hope that our love will find it's way back even though I know I need to move on.

Easton arrives and texts me he is here I go downstairs and I see he has a outfit made of bud light boxes. Which again ABC party so makes sense.

When we get to the party it is already pretty crazy they're a ton of people everywhere. I grab a $5 cup when I get there which will last me the whole night. I also have Easton to play flippy cup with and we end up running the table for hours.

After probably too much playing we go upstairs to his room. He has a huge room with practically its own living room and starts playing a movie "I love you,man." Which is honestly one of my favorite movies.

We are just cuddling on the couch and if I am being honest I am just waiting for him to make the first move. Finally we are laying side by side and I ask "do you get this close to all of your students you have to give tours to?"

He replies "no just the extremely beautiful ones."

"Ohhh so you think I'm beautiful?" I question.

"Beyond beautiful" he replies without hesitation.

"Why's that." I reply.

"Are you kidding you are a mans fucking dream....beautiful, smart, funny, sexy without even trying. If I could write my perfect girl on paper it would be always be you." He tells me. "Wow I wasn't expecting that." I reply.

And next thing I know he is going into kiss me and I turn away. "Woah...harsh." He says to me.

"I'm so sorry can we try that again?" I ask.

"It's okay if you aren't ready..." he replies.

"No I want to." I say as I press my lips into his and start making out with him.

We end up falling asleep next to each other and I wake up the next morning on his couch in his arms. Which is fine all we did was make out. Which being the first guy since Hardin I am good with.

I sneak out before he wakes up since I'm still wearing my twister board so I want as few as people as possible to see me walking my walk of shame across campus.

When I get back to my apartment and refresh my computer my pictures are still pulled up of Hardin and I. I quickly close my laptop.

Fuckkkk I think to myself.....I miss him.
—-
Tessa—present

Him leaving...: yea for the weekend but I can't help but think back to him leaving before. I never saw him again for 5 years.

5 years of my heart fucking breaking for this other person. I'm scared actually terrified every time he walks out of the door that it will be the last time I ever see him. How fucked up is that?

How pathetic is that? I love him more than I can put into words. But I have also pushed him away more times than I can count just since he's been back and I don't know if it's fear or what but I am making a vow to myself to never do that again.

I am hoping the paternity results come in today so that I can just close the Easton chapter for good.

He is leaving for LA tomorrow and so he is spending the day at home with just us and it feels amazing to just have our little family here.

Trish is out for the afternoon and I just keep looking at Hardin thinking how thankful I am that he's here...he's alive.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He asks me snapping me out of it.

"Nothing i was just spacing out I guess." I tell him.

"Should I make us lunch?" I ask him.

"Sure....what did you have a taste for?" He asks me.

"I can just make us tuna melts.." I reply.

"I mean yea...if you want to kill me...sure let's do it." He replies.

"What?"I reply confused.

"I'm allergic...My throat will close up...It just won't be a good time." He tells me.

How did I not know that...I quickly think to myself.

"Okay...umm grilled cheese?" I ask.

"Yea that should be good that one won't kill me." He replies laughing.

It kind of gets me thinking him and I have been through so much and so much big stuff but there is so many small details about him that I still don't know.

So many things that he never just shares.

As I am making us lunch... I ask. "What else are you allergic to?"

"Just that...and you." He replies.

"You're such a jerk." I reply.

"What are you allergic to?" He asks.

"Amoxicillin." I tell him.

"Noted...so if I ever want to take you out that's the way to do it." He replies jokingly.

"Hey I know how to take you out now as well." I come back with.

"Ehhh good luck...I'm like a cat 9 lives." He says to me.

"Yea....but how many do you have left?" I question actually somewhat serious.

"At least 4 I would say." He replies.

"Here just eat your grilled cheese" I say as I hand it to him as he is sitting on the couch next to Emery.

"Thanks babe you're the best." He replies throwing me a wink.

We enjoy our lunch and then I get Emery down for a nap when I come out of her room I notice Hardin is asleep....really I think to myself.

I notice I have an email from the lab where I had the paternity test done...I know I shouldn't be but I am scared to open it...