After Forever & Ever

Chapter 18

Hardin

I just got home from the hospital this afternoon....I can't believe i actually was able to leave. I mean fuck a week and half ago I was on a ventilator and they were unsure if I was going to wake up. And now I'm still fucking weak as hell but functional. And well Adler figured out that I can do my maintenance chemo once a week in the infirmary when I do my 30 days.

Which..... I have to turn myself in soon I guess.

Ken and Landon went back yesterday. I could tell Ken was drinking again and no one wanted to talk about it. I guess he can thank me for that. But I guess I could thank him for a lot too.

And well I thought Landon and I were good but he's more stand-offish then ever before so who knows if we will ever be good again. Or what the fuck I did to him this time.

Vance is going to be the one to drop me off when I turn myself in and then he's going back home to try and pick up the pieces of his life. The life that's been on hold because of me.

And My mum I think is still scared of losing me and walks on egg shells with me. I don't want it to be like that but I guess I haven't really given her much of a choice...I haven't been the best son.

All week I have been trying to win Tessa over again and stop being this fucking prick that I have been. And just be there for her once and no more bullshit. For her and the baby. And we have been good, really good. Better than we have been in a long time.

Unfortunately for her,for my mum, and well for everybody my biggest fight is not cancer which apparently I'm in remission on but my biggest fight is my addiction. It's a disease that eats at me every second of everyday.

All I want is to get high. There's more drugs in jail then there is on the street. So I know the second I go, I'm fucked.

My life is fucked.

I mean what am I saying my life has already been fucked.

I'm fucking going to jail what the fuck am I saying? What the fuck am I doing?

Not to mention, I owe some really bad people a lot of money. And I have some of it. Not all of it.

So I need to get the rest...fast or I'm even more fucked than I already am.

Time isn't exactly on my side. And I guess I should explain...

I'm not dumb when it comes to drugs and having shit on me. Which is why I was okay with the cops searching me the night I was with Julianna. Was I expecting her to set me up...no.

Did I make money from my music...yes.
Do I supply the drugs for all the shows I play to those who pay....yes.

I know what you are thinking how could I do that after what happened to Gio.

But my fucked up mind...saw it as a business. Did I see it as forever...no. Did I want to stop...yes.

But it was supporting my lifestyle and yea so was music. But the high I wasn't getting from taking drugs I was getting from selling them and basically having everyone else do my dirty work.

So does Tessa think the guy who was messaging me was talking about the drugs I got confiscated from Julianna...probably and I'm okay with her thinking that.

But Because I basically left that business behind which was why my "manager" was so adamant about having me back because they were coming after him. And why he came to the hospital that day back in the states.

So again...
Because I left that business behind product didn't get moved. And so money didn't get made and bad people didn't get paid. I was naive to think things could happen without me....

And so I need to get rid of the product we have been sitting on or they are coming after me or worse my family. That is why Tessa needs to leave...now.

And I need to get this taken care of before I go to jail or I can't control what goes down.

And I can't tell my family...Tessa, my mum, fuck even Vance.

I mean I have been lying to myself just like I lied to myself about cancer.

I feel like I wanted to be someone so fucking bad for Tessa the night of Landon's wedding that I let myself believe that I was.

That I was a good guy, a successful guy...minus all the bad shit.

And it couldn't be further from the truth.

I have done a lot of bad things. A lot I'm not proud of. And that shit just doesn't go away.

I need to get to the studio tonight and get product moved tonight. (That's where I keep everything)

I don't think Tessa, my mum or Vance will be to keen on me going anywhere right about now. Especially alone....

This is not going to be easy. Fuck.

I'm just laying in my bed right now trying to figure out a fucking plan and fast.

Tessa comes in and lays down next to me.

"Hey babe, how are you feeling?" She asks.

"Pretty good now that you are here" I say as I pull her closer to me.

"You look really good."she tells me.

"Yea?" I say as I grab behind her neck for a kiss.

"I meant you look like you are feeling better." She corrects me.

"I know what you meant and I am feeling better." I say as I move my other hand down her body and go to unbutton her jeans.

"Really, right now?" She questions.

"Ummm why not?" I quickly question back.

"Ohhh I don't know you just got home from the hospital." She snaps back.

"Exactly so now we can do it." I respond.

"Are you sure you're okay to?" She asks.

"Yes unless you don't want me?" I ask.

"Stop of course I do." She replies.

I continue to take her pants off and god she's so fucking beautiful.

I feel like I could see more of a bump now. And I have to stop what I'm doing and just hold her stomach.

"Wow." I whisper under my breath.

"I know I am getting bigger" she says as she pulls down her shirt to cover it.

I grab her shirt and pull it all the way off. Leaving her in just her bra.

"I didn't think I could love you more than I do but seeing you pregnant with our child...I honestly don't have words. I love you both so much." I say to her.

"I love you too." She replies as she kisses me and takes my jeans down and hops on top.

I reach around her back and take her bra off.

I can't help but hold her close as she is going up and down on my dick which feels amazing I just keep kissing her all over her neck, her chest—everywhere.

It feels like we both finish at the same time. And I guess who cares if I cum in her because well it doesn't matter now.

She grabs a pair of my shorts and T-shirt and throws it on and lays next to me again.

"No more surprises, right?" She questions.

Fuck. I quickly think to myself.

"Yeah, Tess no more surprises. You don't have to worry...I promise." I lie.

"I don't think I can take any more lies." She responds.

She knows about the money I owe so I guess that's not a surprise.

She just needs to fall asleep so I can leave and be back before she gets up.

Nothing can go wrong...right?