After Forever & Ever

After Never Chapter 19

Hardin-Present

I feel like I'm suffocating.

Vance is suffocating me.

He means well. He really does. But it's been too much. I need some space.

Which is why I asked if he would drive me to my car. Which has been sitting in Ken's garage.

So I guess that means I'm paying Ken, Karen and Landon a visit.

I feel like I need to thank Landon. And apologize to him and everyone else. But I'm not there yet.

So instead I walk in and let everyone hug me and ask how I'm doing.

Vance is doing a lot of the talking. Telling them how he's been home ALL week with me. How he's come to meetings with me. How awesome I've been doing on my new meds....blah...blah...blah.

Meanwhile all I'm thinking about is being alone in my car with my music on, and taking a moment to myself. To fucking breathe.

Before I can even get to that moment though. We say our goodbyes and Vance tells me he wants to search my car before handing over the keys...

As if I wasn't pathetic enough.

I sit on the hood of my car while he looks through it. Unsure if he will actually find anything or not.

I really don't remember.

"Find anything?" I ask as I hear the door close.

He puts his hand out showing me the bag of pills.

"Not bad..." I reply sarcastically. Which I'm not sure he appreciates.

"You're following me right, and coming straight back to my place?" He asks me.

"I do have to make a quick drug run or you could give me those." I reply jokingly...again not sure he's appreciating any of this.

"Hardin!" He snaps.

"Kidding...yea. Straight home chief" I reply giving him a salute.

He hands me my keys...reluctantly but he gives them to me.

And I get in my car.

Fuck I've missed this car.

I've felt so trapped since I've been out of rehab it feels good to have something of my own again.

I know he said straight home but as he goes straight I turn right.

Not even a second later my phone is ringing. I know I shouldn't but I ignore his call. So he's calling me again. I turn my ringer off and keep driving.

Driving until I reach the accident site. There's a cross here now.

I park and I get out.

Stopping in front of the cross.

'Kendall Janski' the cross reads.

My heart hurts. I don't know why I came here.... But, I feel drawn to this place.

This place that has destroyed me. Destroyed everything.

"Did you know her?" A female voice from behind me asks.

"No." I simply reply.

She places flowers next to the cross.

Fuck this is a family member of hers.

"I'm sorry for your loss." I say to her not knowing what else to say.

"It's okay." She says back.

I go to walk away and she stops me.  I think you dropped this.