After Forever & Ever

After Never Chapter 12

Tessa

I just got to Ken's house. I was expecting to see Hardin when I got here, but I was told he was sleeping...which I know he does a lot. I also know rest is good, and a lot of what he needs right now. Especially when he is still struggling to get around, still in a lot of pain...and the accident was still only a week and a half ago.

"So how's everything been?" I break the ice as I sit at the table across from Landon and Ken. While Karen is fixing some appetizers for us.

Everyone is pretty quiet so I felt the need to just say something.

"It sucks Tessa...I won't sugar coat it...Hardin is beyond miserable....We're miserable. It's not even how much physical pain he is in...he's sooo depressed. I don't know how to talk to him. I'm glad he has you and I know he talks to you...but it's been tough Tess. It's been really, really tough." Ken replies...

Which I know it's been tough. I know Hardin wasn't close to Ken before this...so now the fact that he's thrown into living somewhere that he doesn't want to be...after something unimaginable is I'm sure very, very difficult....on everyone.

And yes...we talk. But he won't talk about anything serious. We both have been pretending like what happened hasn't happened. The accident...our break up...all of it. It's all been just one big game of pretend between us.

The only thing he's been real about is the fact that he's in a lot of pain still. That he will say. Other than that...he won't talk about the accident, he won't talk about Zed. He won't talk about us...

"I still think it's really fresh. Fresh for everyone and I think him feeling depressed is probably normal. I don't know if any of us could truly understand what he is going through..." I begin to say and I am stopped.

"No none of you can." Hardin chimes in as he comes into the room.

"Hardin." Ken says firmly knowing how it looks.

"Do you want me to leave so you all can keep talking about me?" He asks in a rather calm tone considering.

"We are all worried about you. We care about you and we want to support you through this difficult time." Karen chimes in.

He starts laughing which confuses everybody...

"What is funny Hardin?" Ken questions confused.

"It's funny that you think this is just something I have to get through...get through this difficult time...like it's all going to just go away. Someone fucking died. My best friend is going to jail. And if I breathe too hard I feel like someone just stabbed me in the chest...not to mention that I'm a prisoner to my own throughts since I can't do shit...and if I'm being honest I don't think I deserve to just move on. Why should I get to be happy? Get to move on with my life?" He says with obvious pain.

"It's not your fault Hardin." Landon says which surprises me...seeing as how Landon always places blame on Hardin.

"Why should I be the one who gets to walk away? My best friend has to live with the fact that he killed someone...and is going to jail. All while, we both chose to get in that car. We both drank way too much...and it doesn't seem fair that I get to go on with my life. When one person's life ended. And Zed's life is changed forever. How is that fair?" He asks him.

"Hardin you can't keep beating yourself up, or blaming yourself. I know you think you need to punish yourself for what happened. But you didn't do this." I chime in even though I know I'm probably saying the wrong thing.

He takes a seat at the kitchen table since he has been leaning up against the counter since he's been in the kitchen. He props his crutches up against the wall. He rests his elbows on the table and then brings his hands to his face. Pulling his hands back through his hair as he takes a deep sigh still not saying anything.