After Forever & Ever

Chapter 26

Tessa-Present

I guess I wonder what's next? I want to know what went down with Hardin but also want to forget.

And it's not even like I am feeling the pain he left before because I'm not. Instead I'm feeling nothing. Empty, shut off... nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I decide to just stop. Stop thinking about it.

Work helps. I'm so busy that it's easy to just not think about it. On lunch I meet Zed for coffee.

"Isn't it weird we ran in to each other" I tell him.

" yea but I am glad we did" he says.

"What do you do now a days anyways?" I ask.

"I'm a promoter" he tells me.

"Really? That's pretty cool. So you work nights?" I ask.

"Nah not many I do a lot of marketing and promotional stuff during the day so I can enjoy my evenings." He tells me.

"Well that's good" I reply.

"Like tonight I'm off I wanted to see if maybe you would want to watch a movie with me?" He asks.

"Zed..." I reply.

"As friends...strictly friends I promise" he insists.

"Ok." I reply.

We finish our coffee and I head back to work.

I feel bad even entertaining a friendship with Zed but then again I'm done with Hardin. But I'm also pregnant. Ugh this is fucked up....

I also have an ultrasound after work that I was able to schedule.

I guess I want it to feel real. To feel that this baby is real. Because up until now I have been so consumed by Hardin that it hasn't been.

And eventually I have to make my mom part of this. Part of this reality.

I haven't really stopped feeling sorry for myself or like a complete idiot.

And I don't want my mom to make that worse but I feel like I need her....

I did notice a missed call from Vance earlier but I choose to ignore that too. Because whatever it is i can't let it change anything.

Hardin has to be dead to me. That's it.

The rest of work surprisingly flies by since I am still super busy.

When I arrive at my appointment they have me fill out a bunch of paperwork and after what feels like forever I finally get called back.

"Can you confirm your name and birth date for me?" the ultrasound tech asks me.

"Theresa Young. December 19, 1994." I respond.

"Great, thank you. Are you excited to see your baby?" She asks.

"Yes." I reply.

"So you can set your bag here, and then lay down and i am going to have you lift your shirt so I can apply the gel. It might be a little cold." She explains.

I lay down and lift my shirt and she squirts the gel onto my stomach and she wasn't kidding it feels super cold and weird.

She moves the little wand around. "Here is your baby! Do you see the heart beating?" She asks me.

"Wow that is amazing!" I reply.

"Are you going to be finding out the gender today?" She asks.

And I guess I hadn't even thought about it...but maybe that will make it real instead of saying baby. I can start thinking son or daughter.

So I reply...."Yes, yes I am."

"Okay perfect." She replies.

She starts going through the body scan and keeps stopping to what looks like measure and type different things. A lot of the time I am not sure what we are actually looking at but it is still really cool to see.

"Okay are you ready to know what it is?" She asks.

"I think so." I reply.

"Theresa...you are having a baby girl." She tells me.

A baby girl. I am having a baby girl. A daughter. My daughter.

"A baby girl...wow!" I reply.

I feel like this should feel different. And it's because it should.

I pictured this moment with my husband one day finding out the sex of our baby.

And instead I'm alone. And it's heartbreaking. And I feel like I've been robbed of this experience.

I let myself mope in that moment for a while. But then I got home and I let Zed be there for me. Really be there for me. As a friend and he let me let it all out. And I probably told him more than I should have.

But it felt like the release I needed to just let it all out. He actually had no idea I was even pregnant I mean I am barely showing still.

I don't know when I fell asleep but I wake up on Zed's shoulder and he is a asleep sitting up leaned into his hand that's resting ok the arm rest.

I look up at the clock and it's 2:57AM. "Zed...Zed." I nudge him. He opens his eyes. "We both fell asleep." I say.

"Oh shit I'm sorry I don't even remember dozing off" he replies.

He gets up and grabs his hoodie off the chair and puts it on. "Alright I am going to head out then."

"Or you could stay..." I say and I don't even know why I just said that.

"You want that?" He asks.

"I haven't felt like I actually slept in months and I haven't felt safe either and lying on you I felt both those things." I reply.

"Okay..I'll stay if you're sure." He tells me.

And I am sure. I open my bedroom door and plop on my bed. And he lays down next to me and puts his arm underneath his head and just looks at me.

I want this to feel wrong but it doesn't..why doesn't this feel wrong? ...I ask myself.