After Forever & Ever

Chapter 16

Hardin 2014

I haven't talked to my mum since being back. I don't want her to see me like this.

The days are all blending together. I woke up with some random girl in my bed.

Honestly I don't even know her name. I woke up wishing it was Tessa.

But really I don't even remember last night. Or any night. Or day really. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore. I'm staying with Dean still and I don't know maybe I'm tired of being fucked up all the time. But I guess I don't know how to stop.

When my head is clear I miss her more than I can take. Everyday I battle myself wanting to call her. I want to go back to the life we had when we were good before I fucked everything up.

I know though that she won't ever forgive me. Fuck, I wouldn't. And that's where my thoughts constantly lead me is that as much as I want her. I know that isn't a possibility anymore I made sure of that. And where I'm left shooting a needle into my arm again and it all shuts off.

The pain, the hurt, the thought of her it all shuts off.

This is my everyday. I feel like I'm in fucking Groundhog Day.

Nothing changes until i start running low on money because I stop selling for Dean.

And me having no fucking morals at this point decide stealing from my own fucking mother is a good idea.

So I go to my mums during the day for about a week while she is at work and start taking money from the place I know she kept cash in the house.

I am justifying it by telling myself I am going to pay her back.

Knowing full well I won't and that I am stealing from my mum and buying drugs. Stealing from my mum who I haven't even had the decency to see in the little over 2 months I have been back.

But that's how fucked up I am and where this life has brought me.

Later that day Dean and I go to a bar. Mind you most people go to a bar to get fucked up.

We go to a bar already fucked up.

And for the most part we are minding our own business. But there is this girl at the bar that these two guys keep bothering. So I walk up to her..."hey is everything alright?"

Well this fucking asshole that was bothering her pushes me. "Yes she is fine, leave us alone." And she gives me a look as if she is not fucking fine.

"I don't think she is, just leave her alone alright." I try telling them.

Next thing you know he is swinging at me and I'm not just going to let him hit me so we are going at it then Dean starts fighting his friend.

The guy I'm fighting ends up throwing a chair which I of course duck and it goes through the front window so glass shatters everywhere.

Next thing you know we hear sirens and Dean yells "cops, let's get out of here."

Well my fucking dumbass who is super fucked up grabs the keys from Dean and decide to drive away in his car parked out front.

Dean hops in to the passenger seat and I guess the cops were closer than I thought because I was hoping to just ditch them after a few blocks but they were right on our tail.

And lights out.

I am waking up in a hospital bed. I look down and my hand is cuffed to the side of the bed. Fuckkk this is bad I quickly think to myself....

Which is quickly interrupted by my mum who starts screaming at me.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? You could have killed yourself or someone else? Did you really think I didn't know you were back?" She screams enough so that a nurse comes in to check to make sure she's okay.

And a cop comes in who I guess was standing outside. "Are you okay ma'am?" He asks.

"Yes I'm fine." She replies.

He returns outside.

"So you're a drug addict?" My mum asks.

And I think in this moment is when I feel the lowest I have ever felt.

I don't answer and just look away.

She grabs at my hand that's handcuffed to the bed. "Look at this." She says as she shakes my arm not moving much as it's cuffed to the bed.

"Look at you Hardin. You have been in the country for 2 months now....2 months right? And never called or saw your mother. Instead you have been doing god knows what with god knows who. And your an addict a fucking addict. Not to mention who steals from his own mother..." she manages to get out in what feels like one breath.

I don't know what to say honestly I feel like the biggest piece of shit. And all those feelings I have been trying not to feel are heavy right now.

"I'm sorry." I try to say and I am quickly stopped.

"Don't" she interrupts.

After a while I finally ask her...
"What happened anyways? I remember leaving the bar but then nothing..."

"what do you think happened, Hardin?" She replies fuming.

I respond. "I really don't know" because I really don't.

She tells me "the story I heard is you were driving your friends car got t-boned because you ran a red light but prior to that were running from the cops after a fight at a bar"

"Fuck." I reply.

"Before you woke up the doctor told me he can't give you any pain medication because your body doesn't respond due to the drug abuse." She tells me.

I just feel numb at this point.

She asks... "Why didn't you tell me you were home?"

I don't even respond because I honestly don't know. Why did I do what I did when I got here and never stop.

" you have to talk to me if you want me to help you." She finally says.

All I finally say is "I don't know."

My mum calls Ken because he has a friend here who is a lawyer and he had him make some calls to see what I was looking at.

My mum walks out of the room and is now talking to a guy in a suit. When she comes back in he comes with her.

"Hi Hardin, I'm Adler Thomas your dad called me to be your lawyer." He tells me.

"Okay....So what's the deal then?" I nonchalantly ask.

"So there is a lot of good news.... the bar and the guys you fought aren't pressing charges. However, you ran from the cops and then crashed a car while under the influence." Adler tells me.

I remember just responding with "Okay so now what?"

"Well I made a deal with the prosecutor for now for you to go home in the care of your mother but with home monitoring until your first court date. Where if you admit to being an addict the prosecutor already agreed to rehab instead of jail time" he tells me.

This is fucking great...I think to myself.

I ask both of them to leave. I am starting to feel deathly ill and I am realizing very quickly my withdrawal is starting to happen.

This goes on for what feels like forever. And is probably the worst thing I have ever experienced.

It's finally time to leave and the officer that has been sitting outside my room takes the handcuff off my wrist and instead gives me a nice ankle accessory to go home with for house arrest which is fucking awesome.

Oh and not to mention I am on fucking crutches because some how in the crash I broke my ankle.

So yeah that's great too. This is all fucking great...