After Forever & Ever

Chapter 35

Hardin-Present

Tessa is worrying me I don't know if she's sick or what but she is definitely not her self.

She's probably still mad at me too...Fuck.

She has a seat at her desk and I have a seat on top of her desk.

"So how did it go last night?" She asks.

"It was good..I missed it" I tell her.

"That's good" she replies and I'm not sure if it is sincere or not.

"You're acting so weird." I tell her. I really don't know know how to take her. Is she sick? Is she tired? Is she mad? What's wrong?

She gets up and positions herself between my legs as I am sitting on the desk and hugs herself into me.

I pull her chin up and kiss her.

"Can I ask you something?" I say to her.

"Uhh sure." She replies.

"I guess since I've been back I'm not really sure whether or not we are together?" I question.

"I said I needed time Hardin." She replies.

"I know you said that but... are we together?" I ask again.

"No." She comes back with and not going to lie it stings.

"Okay." I simply respond.

I press my hands back on the desk to pull away from her slightly and she grabs my chin and turns it towards her and kisses me.

"See why do you do that?" I ask.

"I don't know Hardin." She replies.

"Okay well you are confusing the hell out of me." I say as I get up since she moved out of the way.

"Why do you always get to be the one to figure everything out and be selfish?" She yells at me.

"I don't know Tessa if you want to be selfish or figure things out whatever the fuck that means then do it....I don't know what you want me to say." I calmly say back and walk out.

What the fuck was that?....

I don't even want to blame pregnancy hormones but I think that's a thing....so maybe.

But honestly what the fuck.

The day I picked up my car Ken wasn't there. So I figured I would go see him. So I head there after leaving Tessa's office.

When I arrive it's my lucky day because Landon and Dakota are there as well...

"Hi Hardin." Karen says as if she is annoyed by the sight of me. Definitely not a warm welcome but why would I expect one.

"Hi Karen..is my dad around?" I ask.

"He is out back with Landon and Dakota." She says to me and I can tell she is clearly not a fan of mine.

I open up the screen door to the screened in porch where they are sitting and it's as if they all saw a ghost.

"Good to see you guys too." I break the ice and say out loud.

My dad stands up and gives me a hug.

"You look good son it's good to see you." He says as he pats my back and motions for me to have a seat.

I can smell the booze on his breath...and suddenly Karen hating me makes sense. I forgot that Ken started drinking again when he came and saw me in London. It's my fault he isn't sober anymore....

"Hi Hardin, welcome back!" Dakota says to me. And I thank her.

"Hey man." Landon simply says.

"What's up" I reply.

After a lot of pointless small talk I ask Landon if I can talk to him and he agrees.

He actually asks if I want to go for a walk and normally that would be a no. But I'm all for new things these days I guess...

"So I'm going to cut right to the chase are you good now?" He asks.

"What do you mean?" I question back.

"Are you clean, what's going on with your cancer? How are you actually doing?" He asks.

"Yes I'm clean....cancer is in remission and I guess okay...." I reply.

"Well Ken is not okay...and neither is my mom." He says as he starts to walk faster.

"Is this a race?" I ask.

"Ken hasn't stopped drinking since leaving London. And it's been really hard on my mom." Landon tells me.

"I'm sorry man..." is all I can say to him.

"At least he's a functioning alcoholic at the moment he is still going to work but...comes home and gets drunk and passes out then does it all over again." Landon tells me.

"I...I don't know what to say Landon." I reply.

"Everything you touch you destroy" he says raising his voice.

"Do you think I want that?" I ask.

"Well what do you want?" He fires back with.

"To have a normal fucking life. To be with Tessa and our daughter. And make her happy and no more bullshit Landon. I don't want to live the life I was living. I get i hurt people and jeopardized everything but I will do anything to keep my family together and be there for Tessa and our daughter." I say to him.

"I guess I never heard you say those things. You were constantly running away from any good in your life especially when things got hard it's nice to see you actually wanting to fight for what matters." He replies.

"That's exactly what I am willing to do...and I don't know how often you talk to Tessa anymore...but she says we aren't together and she needs to figure shit out and be selfish whatever the fuck that means...and is it killing me....absolutely killing me. But i fucking deserve it so I'm willing to do whatever she wants if it means us being together." I say to him.

"Wow Hardin, you really are a changed man." He says to me.

"I'm trying to be." I reply back.

"I never doubted you being a good person even though you did really fucked up things to a lot of people." He says.

"Dude...I get it." I say as in okay you can stop now.

Before we know it we are back at Ken's. I really am not sure what to do about Ken drinking if there is even anything I can do. I know him and I still really need to talk but I don't think I can take much more serious talks today.

After leaving Ken's I head to the gym this time alone. I throw my headphones in and right now it's the best kind of therapy.

I can just tune out all the negative thoughts that are consuming me. I know I should probably contact Connor even though I don't feel like I'm going to use or drink but better get ahead of it just in case.

And I decide I'm not going to call or text Tessa I'll give her the space she wants and let her figure her shit out.

And I guess all i can do is wait and deal with it...
Who the fuck am I anymore...