After Forever & Ever

After Never Chapter 8

Tessa

I woke up Wednesday morning to a few different people sharing the song 'Elevated heartbreak' with me...a song that Hardin made...a song that Hardin made about me...a song Hardin shared with the world.

'I hate how I don't hate you, and if I tried I can't replace you...'

'I hate how much I love you, and I wish you loved me too...'

Like what?!

Seriously????

I'm losing my fucking mind.

How could he? How could he say those things...knowing how I feel. Knowing how we ended. How he is the one who ended things...

It's not fair...

And what's also not fair is the fact that even if I wanted to say something to him about it...I couldn't because he won't speak to me. He really isn't speaking to anyone that has an association to me.

Landon told me he tried reaching out to him about us...which I was mad that he did, but I get where he was coming from. He's a good friend and he was looking out for me...

But he said it was a waste of time. He said Hardin ignored everything he said.

I'm completely broken still...I feel like my everyday has consisted of going through the motions since we broke up and I don't know how to change that.

Because the only thing that would make things right is him and I together again. But instead...instead I'm laying here listening to his stupid song. His stupid...good song I should add. His stupid good song on repeat. When I should be getting up, getting ready and going to class...

I know Kim and Vance are worried. They get it...but they are still worried.

So at this point all I can do is pretend. Pretend that I'm okay. Pretend my heart isn't completely shattered.

Pretend I can go on with my life without him. Because that's just it..I don't think I can. I know we were toxic for most of our relationship...I get that. But I got something I didn't think I could get with him..and that was something beyond the bullshit. Something real, something mature, something beautiful...it was a glimpse of what we could be. What we should be...and I destroyed it the first chance I got.

And now...now it's destroying me.

But like I said my only choice is pretending. So here I am sitting in class...unable to focus...AGAIN. Same thing when I get to work...

And the same goes for Thursday, and now today...

And I now have Easton texting me...mind you he has texted everyday asking to hangout...and I have blew him off every single time. I should say I told him I was sick. Which isn't a complete lie. How I feel does feel like I'm sick...

We never did go get coffee or lunch...I really never planned on it. I wanted him to go away, and he hasn't. Tonight is his stupid party, and he has already asked if I was coming...and I already said no.

I should have known his persistence wouldn't stop with a mere text...when i get out of class...who is standing right there...him.

"Hey Tess." he says as he starts to walk with me.

"You know this is stalking right?" I ask him.

"I just got out of my class which happened to be down the hall, it's not my fault we happened to be in the same building at the same time..." He replies.

I ignore his response and pick up my pace...hoping he doesn't follow.

He pulls ahead and stands somewhat in front of me stopping me from continuing to walk.