After Forever & Ever

Chapter 157

Hardin-Present

When I wake up with my usual pounding headache that I've become very accustomed to...I am reminded that not only did I get drunk last night I did in front of Tessa and Vance....

I roll over realizing Tessa isn't lying next to me and look at the clock and realize it's fucking noon.

I get up and go to the sink and tilt my head down an drink some water. And splash some water into my face. I realize my wallet is out on the top of the vanity along with a bag of coke that I decided to get from Francisco last night....so they both definitely saw that....

When I get out of the bathroom they both walk in the hotel room door.

"Where did you guys go?" I ask.

"We went down for the free breakfast it didn't look like you were waking up anytime soon." Vance replies.

"So last night....is that a regular evening for you?" Vance asks me.

"I don't know Vance I have a few drinks every night....yea. If that's what you are asking." I tell him.

"And the coke?" Tessa follows with.

"I told you guys it's not like before I can stop." I tell them.

"It just doesn't look good Hardin....and it feels a lot like de ja vu with you." Vance says to me.

"Vance I have it under control." I say raising my voice.

"Yea....well we will see I guess. Because right now you are just a really shitty husband and a really shitty dad who left his family to be a drunk and an addict." Vance says raising his voice.

"Vance." Tessa says trying to stop him.

I just stop shake my head for a second processing that....from him. "That's really fucking nice Vance....especially coming from you. Because let me fucking remind you....that you just started being a parent when I came back.....so fuck off." I yell back at him.

"Can you both just stop!" Tessa screams.

"I have to go to work." I say to them and grab my wallet and hoodie off the table.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?!!??!" Tessa yells standing in my way pushing my chest.

"What?!" I reply.

"You have to go to work?........Hardin this is over. You can stop now. We aren't staying here...." she says to me.

"I guess I don't know I just  thought." And she stops me.

"You just thought what?! That you can play pretend still. I'm so fucking confused right now." She screams at me.

"No. Sorry I don't know. I don't know what I was thinking. Let me tie up a few things at the marina and we can go..." I tell her kissing her on the head and going to walk out. Even though I don't plan on going back....

"And Tessa by that he means he's going to go use before we go...."Vance says looking me in the eye.

"What is your fucking problem?!" I yell getting in his face.

He pushes me away and back into the wall behind me.

"The second we get to LA you are on your fucking own kid." Vance says to me. As he storms out of the room.

I look back in Tessa's direction. And she just looks shaken up by the whole encounter.

"I'm sorry." I tell her.

"Is that what you're doing?" She asks me.

"Among other things...but yea I probably would have." I tell her honestly.

"Can you just stop, let's just go home and we can figure everything out." She says to me.

I pause for a long fucking while....since this is something I thought long and hard about....

"I don't want to go home Tess." I tell her.

"What do you mean?!" She says raising her voice.

"I don't want to be In LA, I don't to be in Seattle, I don't want to be in London....I don't want to be anywhere that brings me back to our pain." I tell her.

"So where do you want to go?" She asks me.

"My uncle the one from Australia my mum's brother the one I told you about. I could sail for him. You wouldn't have to work or do anything. He has a guest house and we could live there and...." she stops me.

"You want me to move halfway across the world?" She asks me.

"Yes." I reply firmly.

"You are out of your mind." She replies.

"Why.....why is that such a crazy idea?!" I ask her.

"Because I'm due with our son in 2 months. We have a daughter. I'm just supposed to not work, not know anyone....while you sail all day and....now we are going to be battling your addiction again. It all just seems a little too much Hardin." She replies.

I pause again....this ones hard to get out...

"I'm not going back to LA with you." I finally let the words leave my lips.

And she sends a slap right across my face. The sting sends a shock through me but I probably deserved that.

"You really are a selfish fucking prick." She screams at me. Hitting my chest. I finally just grab her fists to stop her in hopes of snapping her out of it.

She finally stops.

"Why didn't you say this yesterday....you gave Vance and I this story how you will do anything to make it up to us and you didn't expect to just go back.....and all you want to do is try....that was a lie. You're a fucking liar it's still only about you!" She screams....which I don't think I've gotten a normal tone out of her yet.

"I guess I didn't think or I guess I didn't know when the day would come that I would see you again so when you guys showed up yesterday I was caught off guard if I'm being honest and I am sorry and I do want to make it up to you and to everyone. But I can't go back to LA...and I won't. And you heard Vance I'm not welcome back." I reply.

"He didn't mean that...but I guess it seems like you have a decision to make then." Tessa says to me.

"What do you mean?" I question.

"I want to stay in LA, I want to stay around our family...and I want you to go back with us." She tells me. 

I take a deep breath... "I'm pretty sure the second I step foot back in LA I'm going to get shipped right back to jail..." I tell her.

"We looked into it and you would be on probation." She replies.

I shake my head.... "we can talk about this later....I have to go." I tell her and kiss her on the forehead in which she tries to turn away from and then I walk out.... I feel bad walking away but I just....I don't know I can't keep going back and forth....I think at one time I thought I could just go back and we could fix things there but the longer I was here I knew that wasn't possible....

Well that went fucking horrible....I think to myself.

I see Vance in the lobby on my way out.

"Where are you going?" He asks me.

"I'm going to the marina." I tell him.

"The flight leaves at 6:45PM tonight." He tells me.

"Fly safe okay." I tell him and I walk out.