After Forever & Ever

Chapter 34

Tessa-Present

He just got back and he is already going to put himself in a tempting position....

"Are you mad?" He texts back...even though I know he knows I am.

"No, do what you want." I reply.

"Tessa...I'm not going to do anything I promise...please don't be mad." He replies back.

"K." I respond with again which I know he hates.

I was really hoping to just relax with him tonight and talk. And hope that our talking went better than it did last night. But I guess that isn't going to be happening.

I warm a bath, and just relax for about 45 minutes, and then I decide I am going to read. I go for and oldie but goodie and reread Wuthering Heights for the thousandth time.

Just as I am getting settled and cozy there is a knock at my door, I open it and it's Zed two shakes in hand. "You can't just keep showing up." I say to him.

"So you don't want the shake?" he follows with.

"I didn't say that." I say as I grab the shake out of his hand. And he takes that as me inviting him in and plops onto the couch sitting right on top of the blanket I was using.

I set my shake down on the coffee table and pull the blanket out from underneath him.

"You could have asked me to move...you know?" he says.

I just give him a look and throw the blanket back over me and he grabs the other end and throws it over himself as well.

He grabs the remote and puts the TV on.

"Yea...just you know make yourself at home." I say to him sarcastically.

"You are feisty today." He says to me.

Everything about this feels wrong now that Hardin is back. Everything is different. And I can't pretend that it's not.

"How are you and Hardin...he told me you went out to dinner." he asks.

"You talked to him?" I ask.

"Yea we hung out earlier and I got him the job for tonight." he tells me.

"Zed...why would you do that, do you really think he's ready to be around a bunch of people drinking and doing drugs?" I ask raising my voice.

"He can handle it Tessa, and if he can't then you'll know." He replies.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask.

"If he fucks up you'll know that he doesn't deserve you anyways." he replies.

"Are you trying to make sure of it?" I question.

"No...im sorry. Besides my feelings for you. I do want to see him stay clean. He is a different person right now, and really wants to do right by you and everyone." he honestly says.

"So you know that us doing anything behind his back would crush him right?" I ask.

"Tessa...I know. And I honestly don't want to hurt him. But I do think we would be good together. And I think we owe it to ourselves to see if there is something, because I know you felt something the night we kissed, and I haven't been able to shake it." He tells me.

"Even if I did...we can't." I tell him firmly.

"Why are you going to keep choosing someone you have to take care of, when you should be the one taken care of?" He asks me.

And he isn't wrong...

"Zed you should go." I tell him.

"Just one kiss...if you feel nothing...I'll let it go." He says to me.

Against my better judgement I agree...."Just one kiss." I say as I am interrupted by his lips pressed to mine.

My heart is telling me to pull away but my lips aren't budging. I am wearing just a robe from after my bath and he is getting closer to taking it off he grabs the tie of the robe and just as he is about to undo it. I grab his hand and stop him. And get up off the couch.

"You have to go." I say as I grab my mouth wiping away what we just did and point towards the door.

"You can't tell me you felt nothing." he says as he walks out.

I slam the door behind him. I'm so angry at myself. Why did I just do that?

I know Hardin and I aren't together but realistically I just cheated on him with what I would call his best friend....how messed up is that?

Never again...that can't happen again. I love Hardin.

To make me feel even worse I get a text from Hardin. "Hey I am so sorry we couldn't hangout tonight, and I know you are mad, but I promise you I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize us. You don't have to say it back but I love you and I am sorry."

I wasn't crying before but now I am. I was so used to Hardin screwing up and constantly sabotaging himself and our relationship that I never thought I would be the one who is now doing that.

He seriously is perfect right now, being the man I have wanted him to be for me....and I hooked up with his best friend. I feel like I am going to be sick. How could I do that? To him? To us? To our future?

This is my baby's father. The chance for us to be a family. I need to stop. I can't see Zed anymore. He needs to just stay away.

Another sleepless night and I wake up to my alarm. Zombie Tessa is back again.

I really do hate myself. And I feel like I have to talk to Zed just to make sure he knows he can never say anything to Hardin I don't think he is that stupid for his own sake but I need to be sure..

When I arrive at work I walk past Vance's office and notice someone sitting across from him. Just as I walk past the person gets up and I realize it's Hardin.

I go into Vance's office. "Hey, good morning" Hardin says as he goes in for a side hug.

"Good morning." I reply.

"Hardin and I grabbed breakfast this morning so he came up to say hi." Vance says.

"Yea I am surprised to see you so early." I say to Hardin.

"Yea I think my time is still all screwed up still but he woke me up." Hardin replies.

"True I did, well I'll let you two chat I know you just got in Tessa." Vance says to us as we are walking out of his office and heading to mine.

Hardin follows me in and closes the door behind him.

The first thing out of his mouth is "I'm really sorry about last night"

And guilt just pours over me.

"It's okay" I reply.

"What did you end up doing last night?" He asks.

"Nothing I just took a bath, read and went to bed." I lie and again soul crushing guilt washes over me.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"Yea...why?" I ask.

"You just look...umm pale. I just want to make sure your okay and with the baby and everything." He says as he leans into me as i am sitting up against my desk.

"I'm fine just tired." I reply.

My heart is breaking over what I did...