infinite shades of blue (journal part I)

~109~

I lied you know
today
on the phone

I told you I was so much happier here
and I guess it's true
but not always dad
not every day
not today
I just didn't know how to tell you that I fucking miss you

and then I sat on the floor in the bathroom and cried when we got home from the Old Town
took shots and felt nothing

I am turning into one of those people dad
the ones who would rather give up everything to feel nothing than to endure the pain in hopes that it will get better
I know it won't