infinite shades of blue (journal part I)

~46~

the panic attack kicks in
and I feel the sense of reality slowly but surely fading away
I grab on to the railing of the balcony with one hand
and my heart with the other
deep breaths I tell myself

the world around me spins
and I lie down
I wonder if this is how it's going to be
for ever

I reach for my phone and speed-dial my best friend
she doesn't ask
she doesn't talk about what hurts
she knows I don't want her to

instead she tells me about getting into her dream college
we talk about her new chapter in life and the dorms and moving to the city
we talk about the vampire diaries

and for a split second
life seems normal
and I feel myself coming back
to my body
to her