infinite shades of blue (journal part I)

~9~

I used to think to myself I want to die all the time
I woke up in the morning and wished I never did
I tricked myself into believing that it was true

even now when I'm much older I still say it out loud at times
even though I know for a fact that if I fell into the water and was to drown I'd hold my breath
if somebody was pointing a gun at my head I'd beg them not to shoot me
if I jumped off a bridge my first thought would be I shouldn't have done that

and if I come to think of it
we don't actually mean a lot of shit we say
and that indeed is quite pathetic