infinite shades of blue (journal part I)

~122~

there must have been a reason why I cried at the dinner table tonight in front of my best friend
and then later in my room ten times more violently
as it is
but for the life of me I cannot tell you why

seconds before I'd told my best friend how I'm always the one to suggest doing something together
and I asked her why she never comes to my room
she said she will think about it
damn

she asked me what was wrong
then if she could help me in any way
and all the while I kept thinking
I just want you to fight for me

and then my mind naturally jumps to you
to what it was like to be around you day in and day out
and how human you were
and how you would've never let me just sit there and cry
let alone walk away until you haven't squeezed the life out of me and assured me that I am not alone

nobody here will ever do that for me
and I just want you to know that I miss you every day
I miss someone to need me