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by its_petrichor

by its_petrichor

I'm sure you'll do great
I'm sure you love that guy with all your heart
and he loves you back
and I'm sure you know best

I know these things happen
I know people go separate ways after high school
and I know something like this was inevitable
even more so
I'd never hold a grudge against you for following your heart
and diving into your new adventure head first with a sparkle in your eyes
I want that for you
I swear I do

it's just that
after watching your video
the one where you said you had decided the previous night to move to The Netherlands on the 1st of January
and that you had to pack your whole life into boxes
and say goodbye to everyone during the short period of three days
I couldn't help to think

is that it?
what about me?
and Cynthia
and Vanessa?
what about the 7th grade?
and the 8th
and the 9th
and the 10th
and the 11th
and the 12th?
especially about the 12th
what about all the laughs
and embarrassment
and failed exams
and late-night drives
and hugs
and 'I love you's
and all of the fucking secrets we've told?

three days, huh?
you expect me to forget all that in three days

you know
they say in high school the main reason you call someone your friend is because you have to see them every day
you weren't that friend
you were a dear friend
a good friend
one of the best I've ever had
one of two I could ever call a best friend

we have lived separate lives for a while now
and yes
admittedly it hasn't been all that hard
and yes
we've both met new people
and left high school behind
but it was never about that
it's about having you here
it's about being able to see you from time to time
and realising that it's all still there
the inside jokes
the gossip on previous classmates
the same old hangout spots
the same old town
the town that raised us

I guess
all I'm trying to say is that
I see where this is going
and how it ends
I know how this is going to end
and it sucks
and I hate it
because I'm so tired of missing someone all the time
first, mom
then dad
and now you

I'm sorry if it sounds unfair
but I am in no state to survive losing my best friend
this is not a good time
not that it ever will be
and not that it changes the fact that you're leaving in three days

three days, Evelyn
I can't get over the fact that you gave me three days
you made it sound so easy
it is not