I hate that I hate you
when I'm alone in my room on the 2nd book this month it's easy to forget how I really am
I like to tell myself I don't hate anyone
I don't despise anyone
I simply coexist
but when you're across the room
and I can feel the liquor and cigarettes in the air
all I can think about is how I hate you more than myself
and that's saying something
I don't want to hate you
and I don't always
I promise
it's different things
I hate you for drinking
I hate you for being oblivious
and sometimes I hate you for giving birth to me
you will never know though
you ask my best friend what's wrong with me after I tell you on the phone I want to die
and you're over there
away from me
in that miniature apartment of yours
watching shitty soap opera
and I'm here
in a city I begged you not to leave
with everything I could possibly wish for
except a mother
