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I wasn't going to talk about this
ever
but it'd be incredibly unfair to me to act like your mom dropping it so casually in the middle of the sentence didn't rip my heart right out of my chest

she said you'd arrived with a girl

and you know what I did?

I smiled
I wanted to scream in pain
and I wanted to cover my ears
but I smiled

I smiled because even though I've spent half my life loving you
you were never mine
and you never will be
and because my love for you runs too deep to wish you anything but the best
even if your best has nothing to do with me

you know
this pain is going to kill me one day
but that in its own is none of your concern
and I do not intend to make it so

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