infinite shades of blue (journal part I)

~81~

and suddenly I've fallen somewhere deep
and suddenly I'm making entries every day
and I'm not going to act like I don't know what that means

I never write when I'm okay
because being okay is boring
to every writer melancholia is mandatory
and it scares me

knowing I can only be good when I'm bad scares me

I've been on the sad shit lately
sneaking around to smoke cigarettes
sitting on a bench in a park letting the sadness overtake me for no fucking reason at all
for simply waking up this morning

I hate it
though I worship it
I am sick