I asked my dad to shave my head today
it seemed less painful to what it would've been to wait for every hair to fall out one by one for the third fucking time in my life
I don't know
maybe I shouldn't write about it
but what am I supposed to do
I'm not okay
I'm shocked
I'm emotionally paralysed
I could even say I'm numb but the truth is
I feel so much all at once that I don't feel anything at all
I hope writing about this turns out to be the right decision
that it does at least some good to someone
because it takes quite a bit of me to say these things
I'll just go cancel my plans for the weekend
cause the only thing I'm capable of right now is being still
so very still
