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by its_petrichor

by its_petrichor

we will never be okay, mom
and you know why?
you know what our problem is?

money

you left me for money
you ask me for money
and you get offended when I can't give you money

we will never be okay as long as there is money between us
we will never be okay because money is as deep as we have ever gone

and it sucks because you have no idea how lucky you are that dad raised me like this
with his hesitation to give away his money left and right
he taught me the value of work
the value of discipline
what it means to provide for oneself
it is because of him that you're able to slide through without much worry about my means of survival
and it is because me
because I got this job
I got it as soon as I arrived here
and I'm out here working overtime to make the ends meet
all so you could borrow money from me
and then act all righteous and hurt when I wouldn't

and you know what?
it's simply not fair
it's just not, mom
because when you left
I thought you'd get your shit together here in the big city
and that you'd do it for me
and in hoping so
I could almost justify your absence

but in the end
the disappointing but not surprising reality is that you haven't changed a single fucking thing
you still act like a teenager just out of high school
you're still broke
you're still a liar
a terrible one at that

the funny thing is though
I know you'd die for me
I know you'd give your very last penny just so I could have everything I've ever wanted
and you have
so many times
but it's just that
these things
the money
the PC
the iPad
they do not mean a fucking thing when I can't even name a single reason I'm proud of you

and no matter how you look at it
it is not my fault
it's not my fault that all you ever taught me was to lie
it's not my fault you didn't raise me
it's not my fault that by letting me go
you lost the chance to prove me wrong