I stumbled upon some old photos today
there was this one in particular that caught my eye
it was a picture of my mom and her brother and sister in their younger days
there was a beautiful woman standing next to my mom's brother
they looked happy together
she died of cancer years ago
I remember when I was little my mom was working at this youth house
her boss was a nice lady in her mid-fifties
Valentina was her name
I went there every day after school
Val and I had developed a habit of buying chocolate candy boxes
ones that were on the more expensive side
and we made a rule that we had to take one candy every day for good luck
I started to see her less and less at the youth house
eventually she stopped coming at all
I asked mom where Val was
she said it was complicated
then she got a text while we were waiting at the bus stop
it was a text from Val's son
the funeral seemed weird
I was too young to comprehend I suppose
but I still remember the blue scarf she had around her head in the casket
grandpa died in summer two years ago
he drank himself to death
he was a well-known and respected man around his town
he was a tough man
a general
the same man who took me to the waterpark for the first time when I was 7
the same man who never took a single sip in front of me
his funeral was where I had my first panic attack ever
in front of tens of serious men in black suits
my weird memory lane ends with the most recent loss
it was last week when mom called
she asked me about my day and I asked about hers
she complained about her boss just like every other day and I listened
nothing seemed to be different than usual
and then she said Bonifācijs hadn't been home for 13 days
Bonifācijs was never my favourite dog
he was a little dumb and he couldn't do any tricks
he was big and lazy
but he was the sweetest soul I had ever known
and as I was listening to mom I started remembering things
I remembered how he would never eat in front of anyone and you always had to turn away so he could devour his meal
how he would come along for walks in the woods and wander about in 50 meters of radius
how he would desperately try to talk to us when he got excited about things
he would get excited about the simplest of things
like a rub behind the ear and a good boy
he wouldn't sit still for long
but when he did he showed the kind of love some people aren't even capable of
the bottom line is
I understand now why so many people write about death
it's easier if you do
