When I am With Miss Clumsy (Season Two)✔

Action 161: Fly Freely

Pating's POV

The coldness of my shaking hands and the coldness of the end of the gun are calling me somewhere... Somewhere far... With my Eomma and Appa.

It feels nothing but pain. Nothing but coldness. Someone is calling me...

'Old man... Lolo...'

But his voice is slowly fading. He is leaving me. He is moving far away. I want to trust him. I want to trust him but I can't. We are both in pain, I can feel it. I feel pain... And it feels like losing. And I know. I know that he feel it, too. We both are losers. And what losers deserve... Is to die.

My mind is not functioning for reality nor for the future... What I know and I have right now is the present and the tremendous pain it brings... And the past. The unwavering pain in my past.

'Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain! Pain! Pain!'

I thought I'll never experience it again. But I am wrong... Because it never leave me. After all those things that happened and years that passed, I thought I am strong enough. But I am wrong because I feel it again.

Am I this fragile? Or I really just love them... I love my family too much that it kills me... It kills me knowing that they are my enemy. Mati... Minji... Lolo...

'Lolo?'

I don't know. I am confuse. I had enough and I am done. It's already time's up...

'I had killed enough and I know that was enough.'

I want to be with Eomma and Appa. I want to ask them if I'm already very good? If I avenged them successfully... If they are okay at where they are... If they are proud to me... If they are happy to what I'd done...

'H-hindi gusto ng mama mo ang pinapakita mo.'

'No! Old man is wrong! Eomma is proud to me... I want to... I want to ask her... Because I don't trust Lolo. Mali siya... Masaya si Mama...'

Gusto ko siyang masaya... Gusto ko siyang makitang masaya. Gusto ko siyang makita... Gustong-gusto ko na silang makita!

'I AM DONE! I AM DONE! I AM DONE! I am tired... Really... Really tired...'

I am standing at nothing. Standing for nothing. Breathing for nothing. I feel numb holding this gun. And when I pull the trigger... Everything will makes sense. That when I pull it, I will be free.

"I see your monsters~ I see your pain..."

'Clumsy?'

"Tell me your p-problems. I'll chase them away~"

'No... No. No!'

"I'll be your l-lighthouse. I'll make it okay~"

'Stop... I am begging... Stop...'

"When I see your monsters..."

'Clumsy... I am sorry... Shit... No.'

"I'll stand there so brave..."

'Bullshit... I want to... Pull the trigger.'

"And chase them all away~"

'Clumsy... W-what are you... Doing to me?'

I slowly open my eyes... With one reason came in my mind that was full of nothingness; To see her. But everything is a blur when I tried to look. Still it's cold...

And my ears is the ally of reality that always there to makes me hear everything that is real. Their sobs... I can hear sobs. Sniffs... Her voice with hiccups. I didn't move. And I stop drowning...