Through Sightless Eyes and Unforgivable Ties

Chapter 54: Twisted Memories

Ominis

As I entered the dorm room I instantly knew I wasn't alone. Sebastian was back at it again frantically scribbling down notes and muttering to himself.

As I shut the door behind me he fell silent. The feeling of his eyes on me as I moved to sit on my bed giving me goosebumps.

I wished I could talk to her about what I saw. Ask her if she'd only spoken to me because she'd recognized me.

But she had full rights to her anger, full right to feel the hatred towards not only me, but my family name as a whole.

She hadn't been grasping for hurtful words as she called me Gaunt. She was actually comparing me to the others and their cruelty. And from what Nathan said about Marvolo and Nimue, she probably at the time viewed me even lower than him considering I'd actually gone through with being unfaithful to her.

I left my family right before their contract was settled. I could tell from her age in the memories.

If she had met me outside of Hogwarts would she still have fallen in love with me? Would I have even fallen in love with her if I had met her as my bothers fiancé?

I absolutely hate to admit it but I don't think I would have. I fell in love with the girl here that struggled so hard to be good. The girl that left her families cruel ways just like I did.

If I had met her back then I probably would have treated her the same way I treated Veronica when she'd come to Hogwarts.

Complete avoidance.

Would I perhaps have been better off that way? Less pain. Less concern. I wouldn't feel such anger and jealousy towards my best friend if she had just stayed at Herondale hall where she was meant to be.

What am I thinking?

I don't wish she would have stayed there. I'm glad she's at Hogwarts. I'm glad I met her.

I've never felt for another person the way I feel about her. I've never wanted to plan a future so badly with someone else.

When I was with Anne back in third year I was happy. But we were just kids. She was my first kiss so of course at the time everything felt like such a magical experience.

But when she left it felt like I'd lost a friend. Something that made me sad, of course, but it was manageable. Something to distract from easily.

On Christmas Day when I thought I'd lost Victoria it felt like someone had torn half of my being away from me. My only thoughts were of getting her back no matter how many times it was reiterated that she didn't want anything to do with me.

If I had known then what I know now I'm not sure I would have been able to recover at all.

When she had told me I was a Gaunt it had just felt like words. She had wanted to hurt me like I had hurt her so she was just using whatever words she could find to get the job done.

But Marvolo was the worst of us. The cruelest of us. And she not only knew him but was forced to spend time with him repeatedly.

She was comparing me to him when she'd called me a Gaunt. Everytime she called me a Gaunt. And that made the insult so much worse.

Sleep. Please just go to sleep. I don't want to think about it anymore I just want to sleep.

~~~~~

The cold stone floor of the house of Gaunt echoed as I moved across the living room. Placing myself between my two older brothers in front of the roaring fireplace.