BURN (Wattys2015?)

selfish

you think you're doing this for me
you think it's for the best
you think you're helping me
you're not, you're just confusing me
the contusions on my stability
aren't fading, but I am
and it's better to burn out like a flare
quick, in succession
than to fade away like a stain
on a wrinkled T-shirt you never wear
I know that I might be worth it
that whatever you call this
is worth it
it's not about being worth it,
or precious,
or sacred,
it's about being safe and calm
and free
you don't know what I'm talking about
I can't make you understand
I can't make you see
just know that I know
what's best for me
and please, stop being selfish
and let me be it instead
do you know what it's like?
well, yeah, stupid question
you know what it's like
how it's when you're being force fed
lobster, whole and bright red
when you have a shellfish allergy
I have a selfish allergy
you need to stop trying to save me
I can save myself
but maybe I don't want that
this isn't the typical story,
the once upon a time thriller
there's no villian
there's no hero
there's just people
and you can't help but see the good
in them, even if it's buried deep
six feet under
eventually we'll all be six feet under
and the good and the bad
will be blurred
but there's no prescription glasses
to help you see
you're legally blind
to what I desperately want
and what I need
two different sides
of the same coin
that's how this works
but it can't work
with you breathing down my neck
aggravating my curved and crooked
spine, I have a spine
despite what you've been told
like a steel rod it forces me to stand up
when I need to rest,
when I need to sit down
and like a slinky it collapses
when I need to stand and be strong
so maybe I'm a paradox
maybe everything is messed up
I know I'm wired wrong
my brain doesn't work like everyone else
so maybe you can't understand
or maybe it's because
you just don't want to