i am dying

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I am dying
of a hideous disease
an unapologetic killer
cold and stone hard
it twists my empty insides
I am sick
of myself
I am sick and tired
of everything
this monster inside me
attacks me at every chance
it has a gun to my head
threatening to pull the trigger
and a knife in my gut
turning and twisting it
and I writhe in pain
I just hide it
so well
I am trained
in not letting pain show
I wish
for a moment
that I was whole and healthy
my eyes are so tired
my whole body is
I look like I feel
like I'm dying
but nobody realizes
I am already
dead

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