BURN (Wattys2015?)

the valley

i went back to a place

where i thought i'd never return

the waters were too rough in that river

the ground was too rocky and steep

but now i think i might be able to keep myself afloat

and my head above the water

and i might be able to hold on to the ground

and not slip or cut my hands

i'm not sure exactly

why i returned to the valley

why i went back into the shadows

my reasons aren't really good enough

(for her)

but maybe this time the darkness

won't affect me as much

as it did before

maybe it's just that misery loves company

but i have to be careful about the company i keep

because i have a few old friends

who took control of me

and will take control of me again

if i let them come back into my life

i'm hoping that i'll be strong enough

to say no when i'm offered

a visit from my "friends"

because i know what a visit from them

will mean and what i'll end up being again

(addicted)

it's hard to avoid certain things

when it's sewn into the culture

the valley is full of dark things

and deep secrets

(i once thrived in the dark

and knew all the secrets

but i'd rather not hear the whispers again)

i'm afraid of the valley

yet i can't help but be drawn in it

the garden in the valley,

a place where i once worked

is a place that i'm back at again

and i don't understand why

i let myself garden these weeds again

(because nothing fruitful every grows in the valley

there's just not enough sun)

the garden is safe for now

but i know some of the weeds have thorns

and i know the snakes like to hide in the tall grass

but if i'm careful i might get a few harvests

before the valley gets it's claws in me

(the garden has so many promises,

it's how so many of us get sucked into the valley

and the valley won't let us go)

but maybe if the valley gets a hold of me

i can escape

i can be free

i'll just have to climb over the mountains

and find my way back to the sea

find my way home

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Haven't done one of these in a while...I've been avoiding author's notes, because a lot of times my author's notes will tell you what the poem means (to me). I really really really want my poetry to be very very subjective, that way it'll mean something differently to each individual reader. 

So interpret this poem how you will.

The whole thing concerning "the valley" comes from a verse, "though I walk through the valley of the shadows of death, I will fear no evil..." I don't know what verse that is, but I found it really poignant. As someone who's currently entering their own 'valley', I would love the idea of entering it fearlessly.

My valley is just a darker side of me, and it's also the dark side of a culture that I'm currently re-entering. I'm back at an old job (aka 'the garden'). The job isn't that bad, but it could lead to some shadier business. Plus, there's a lot of drug culture involved in this job and I'm easily susceptible to it. I don't want to get sucked back into an addiction.

This past week has been really hard for me, despite the good parts of it. I've kept quiet about it, but I just wanted to let you guys know that I feel you! I know how you feel, kinda. Just keep swimming, okay?