thousand

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there are a thousand ways for me to say

everything i was too scared to say before

sacred, secret words taste so sweet

but they're cruel, so cruel--all these words are so cruel

they cut me, little butterflies in my stomach with blades for wings

they choke me, wrapped around my throat are words woven into string

they hate me, little screaming voices inside my head

they kill me, they bleed me dry and leave me for dead


but words don't just break bones and confidences

words aren't just thousands of bullets, and mouths aren't just guns

words can be beautiful, loving and kind

words can build someone up from the rubble

words can get you out of trouble


i didn't want to go any further

i wanted to put these words behind me

where they belong, away from me

but these words are my drug, they're my addiction

i can't get them from my mind, i can't get rid of them


these words are like a toxic lover

who you should leave--who you need to leave

but you can't seem to leave

because you're in love with the very poison you drink

because your mind is clouded with love--you can't think


see, these words harm me and hurt me

they leave me for dead

they tell me who i should be

i can't get them out of my head

these words love me and hold me

they help me survive

they tell me pretty little lies

but i can't stay away from these words

these toxic, cruel, and alluring words

because i'm so in love with them

i'm in love with these words


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