sinking

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I am sinking
into myself
I am an ocean of nothing
and everything at once
a lifeless sea of hate
and longing
and impure, wrenching
sadness
I am drowning
in the "I miss you"s
the "I love you"s
the "don't go"s
and the "please stay"s
I am sinking into myself
I am an ocean
I am a sea
and the water is draining from me
pouring out of my eyes
and pouring out of my mouth
in the form of lies and "I'm okay"s
I think
well no
I don't know
I am a swelling mass of confusion
a tidal wave of indecisiveness
I can't decide
to go on and try to swim
try to keep afloat
(and I'm sorry but you all
aren't enough to make a boat)
or to let myself go
and sink
to nothingness

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