Xingyun Oneshots

105 - A thousand drafts preceding my declaration (part 2)

Part 2 Requested by @Sm0k3y_boo

Dear Xingqiu,

I think I want to tell you now.

I hope it'll be enough to tell you exactly how it feels, but that's probably why this is a feeling and not just a word.

It's harder to express feelings, but I think that why you like writing so much. Because you have to figure out how to express a feeling you can't show, like in a film on Kamera and without any exact words.

I wonder if you write about me. That's be pretty funny, if we were both just writing about each other. If you do, I'd want to ask to read it, but then you'd ask to see these letters, and I feel like that'd be really embarrassing...

Anyways, I'm going to try my best to tell you. And even if you don't feel the same, I think I'll still be glad I told you. Even if it would feel a little disappointing on my end.

- Chongyun

Chongyun tucks the note into another envelope, a baby blue one, before dropping it into the box and closing it shut.

Today was the day, he decided, that he was going to tell Xingqiu how he felt. Even if it was nerve wracking, and felt entirely unlike himself to be expressing something so big.

He pushes the feeling down and goes to get Xingqiu, only to find he's stuck inside studying.

"How long will he be busy?" Chongyun asks Xu, trying not to show how disappointed he feels.

"All day. His father is keeping his study sessions long because he has a lot of work to do. I'd suggest you see him another day."

"Oh. Thank you." Chongyun nods before going off to try and figure out his next plan of action, going to sit in the shade around the corner of all the shops before a flash of navy hair and amber eyes stops just in front of him.

"Xingq-?"

"Shh! I'm not supposed to be out right now." Xingqiu puts a finger to his lips with a grin, pulling Chongyun up to stand while he sputters.

"Then why are you out here?!"

"Because I heard that you requested me. What is it?" Xingqiu asks him brightly, and Chongyun's stomach does flips at the knowledge that he left only because Xingqiu knew he wanted him.

"I..." he flushes, looking down at their shoes, and by default the tassels swinging from their sides.

He looks up at him a little more confidently, deciding he can do this better.

"I'd like to tell you something very important tonight. As long as you're not too tired after studying." Chongyun nods.

"I'll be there then. Before sundown?" Xingqiu asks, and Chongyun can see a blush dusting his cheeks. It suits him, he thinks. Kinda cute.

"Yeah. Before sundown." Chongyun confirms, and Xingqiu nods his goodbye before slipping back into his study room, narrowly avoiding Xu as he returns.

"Before sundown..." Chongyun repeats to himself, heading home. "I better practice before then..."

-

Sundown comes before he thinks he's even ready, but he can't stop now. This'll be just right, he thinks. Exactly how he planned it!

But then Xingqiu approaches him, standing just in front of him on the bridge outside of the city entrance, and his mouth goes dry as he recalls all of his letters detailing Xingqiu's appearance.

There was a reason there were so many, after all. He was stunning.

"You had requested to see me?" Xingqiu asks, leaning up on his heels before falling back down and giving him a light grin.

"Y-yes. I needed to tell you something very important." Chongyun nods, but suddenly the words he had practiced so much in his room eluded him.

Suddenly he realizes how ridiculous it sounds to just say 'I love you' out of the blue, even if he told him he had to say something important.

He can't tell him, he decides. He can't do it.

"...it's nothing. Sorry for wasting your time." He shakes his head. "It can wait for another day."

Xingqiu tilts his head and gives him a lighter smile, and before he can react he feels Xingqiu reaching for his hand and slipping his hand up against his.

"It doesn't have to be perfect." Xingqiu tells him. "I know you might've wanted it to be, but if you stress too much over it, then you'll find that whatever you finally admit it to be imperfect in every way."

Chongyun looks at him in shock, the color draining from his face. How could he have pinpointed his words so perfectly?!

Chongyun watches the sunlight fall in pretty layers over Xingqiu, clothing him with this sunny, peachy glow that pushes the words out of his mouth before he can spare the moment to overthink it any longer.

He puts on a big smile, which isn't hard when looking at Xingqiu's is contagious and he holds Xingqiu's hand firmly in between his before he says it clearly, with no room for doubts.

"I love you." He nods, squeezing his hand and grounding himself. So far so good, and Xingqiu's seems to think so too, as his smile gets a little wider and he's near a laugh.

"I love you so much Xingqiu." He admits, and when he says his name he feels himself getting a little more confident, and he coughs out a laugh when he reaffirms it once more, closing his eyes. "So much!"

He swallows hard, keeping his eyes glued shut while his heart pounds. "Did that make sense? Was it alright?"

While his eyes are closed he feels a warm pair of lips on his cheek, and he opens them instantly when he realizes he's being kissed.

"That was wonderful." Xingqiu sighs against his cheek, and he feels his stomach get all fluttery and his face flush at his voice. "I love you too."

"Really?" He says quietly.

"Really."

*********************************************

Chongyun wanting to convey exactly how much he loves him by practicing more expressive emotions :)

Written: January 8th, 2024

Finished/Published: January 13th, 2024

(Word Count: 1,015)