Xingyun Oneshots

132 - Poisoned Strawberries (And Other Such Nonsense)

Like most times Xingqiu drags Chongyun into his newest scheme for mischief, it starts with something inane and ludicrous - because why wouldn't it?

There was the time Xingqiu said that a terrible curse had befallen him and he felt so sick he thought he was going to die when in reality, he'd just accidentally ordered his dish with carrots instead of without, and he needed Chongyun to eat them for him.

Then there was the time that Xingqiu came up with a crazy story about an evil spirit haunting Guili Plains, only for it to ultimately not be haunted, but very infested with monsters (which Xingqiu very bashfully apologized for and offered to patch him up and buy him dinner).

And how could Chongyun ever forget the entire 'Test of Courage' goose chase Xingqiu sent him on? The one he didn't even come to cause he was busy?!

Chongyun digresses - this time is just like the others, and just like the others, Chongyun is always completely oblivious to Xingqiu's true intentions at first glance.

Xingqiu rushes up to him immediately upon spotting him in the street, and judging by how he was walking around, he was specifically looking for him, rushing about with a covered basket perched on his arm.

"Oh Chongyun, it was horrible - simply horrible!" Xingqiu laments, donning a look of exaggerated distress that Chongyun would've noticed if not for Xingqiu clinging to his arm with worry.

Chongyun lights up in concern, looking over him for his source of worry. "Ah - what happened? Did the shopkeepers swindle you? Did you get your shoes dirty again?" He asks before he gasps. "Is Wanwen Bookhouse okay?!"

"It's none of those - and thankfully the Bookhouse is just fine." Xingqiu looks down at the basket resting on his arm before he looks up at Chongyun again with distress, the tiniest quirks of a grin trying to stay suppressed. "But you see, these goods I bought might be poisonous!"

Chongyun's eyes widen bigger than he thinks they can, cupping Xingqiu's cheeks and checking for any sign of a breakout or indicator that he'd ingested it. "A-are you okay?! Oh my gosh Xingqiu, we need to go to Dr. Baizhu's right now-!"

"N-no no, Chongyun! I haven't tried any of it yet!" He refutes, shaking his head quickly. "I don't need to go to Dr. Baizhu!"

"Are you sure? Your face is getting all red!" He says anxiously.

"I-I'm fine, really! It's just the sun..." Xingqiu mumbles bashfully, squirming out of his hold. "Anyways, that's not the point! I bought all of these goods from the market, but I don't know whether the consumption of these would be harmful or not!"

"Well okay, at least you didn't eat any of it. But why do you think they're poisonous? Was the shopkeeper sketchy? Or did they look off?" Chongyun asks, pushing back the cover of the basket before Xingqiu can stop him and quirking an eyebrow at the arrangement of food that, quite frankly, looks perfectly fine to eat.

There's all sorts of ripe fruits and perfectly made tarts and pastries that look rather expensive to be honest, and nothing really looks to be as poisonous as Xingqiu claims.

"Chongyun! Don't you know it's impolite to go grabbing at people's things? That's another dock against your internalization of the chivalric code!" Xingqiu tuts, shaking his head. "Chivalric heroes don't go digging through others' things!"

"But chivalric heroes lie about false leads?" Chongyun raises an eyebrow. "And put chilis and hot sauce into people's food? And-"

"Jeez, I didn't ask for all the receipts to be pulled out on me!" Xingqiu whines, covering up his basket again before he huffs. "Anyways, before you interrupt me a third time, there was zero verification that the goods are edible for human consumption, and that's why I think they might be poisonous!"