Xingyun Oneshots

135 - Shower Thoughts

Growing up is just another facet of life - it's just like learning, making friends, and experiencing different emotions. It's as forgettable and sappy as it is real and scary, and Xingqiu thinks that with age, he unfortunately hasn't quite grown into it as confidently as the other people in his life.

After he moved out of home, his mother really took up new creative hobbies, and when he comes back home to visit she'll gift him and Chongyun crocheted pot holders or quilts with their initials and favorite colors. She's always been intelligent and a fast learner, but as Xingqiu's watched her get older, he only finds her becoming more so.

His brother had a fiancé for quite some time, but the two of them went their separate ways a year prior. He doesn't know the details, just that his brother briefly mentioned that they had been rushing things and thought it was best to break it off and maybe try being friends later. Despite what Xingqiu would definitely deem a devastating change, his brother too handled the change that comes with growing up with grace, and instead keeps putting his all into the family business.

And of course, his boyfriend Chongyun, has also seemed to grow with the same elegance and sureness that he used to say Xingqiu seemed to harbor. Funny how the tides have changed, it seems.

With age, Chongyun has only gotten better at handling his condition - more strong and capable and confident in his abilities, but without any of the extremities like cockiness or an overinflated ego. He's gotten taller, and more handsome (especially according to Xingqiu), but his eyes are still just as kind and beautiful as always, and even after so much time he's still always been 'Chongyun'.

He feels like everyone just knows what they're doing, like they know where they want to end up and what they want to die doing, and that even if they're thrown unnecessary curveballs, they can just walk it off.

Xingqiu, on the contrary, feels like he's only gotten more awkward. More clumsy, more anxious, more worried about the future. When he stands in front of the mirror in the morning to wash his face, he'll look back at the face of someone who has dreams and aspirations, but still feels so incessantly lost. Often times he'll duck his head back into the sink, letting water drip off his chin while he turns up the hot water so it fogs the mirror and he doesn't have to look at himself.

Tonight he sits across the small dining room table with Chongyun (like he does every night), twirling noodles around his chopsticks and gingerly slurping them into his mouth. He tries to focus on the taste, the freshness of the vegetables and the savory, cold broth (just like how Chongyun always makes it). He's read in self help books that that's a good thing to do when you're trying to feel calmer, or be more in touch with your surroundings or something.

"I ran into my Auntie when I stopped at Wanmin today to give Xiangling some sweet flowers I picked for her." Chongyun hums, taking a sip of tea and glancing across the table at him. Xingqiu has his eyes down looking at his bowl, and doesn't see it.

"Oh? She's still at Wanmin?" Xingqiu comments back lightly, fishing out a chopped piece of celery and eating it.

"Mhm. She's been there for quite a while now, and Xiangling says she's been getting really good with customers." Chongyun says, tilting his head and pausing in his eating to ask, "How's the soup, Xingqiu?"

Xingqiu half-freezes for a second when he asks, recognizing the 'sweet and concerned' tone of voice Chongyun always uses on him when he knows something's up. That paired with using his full name rather than a shortened version or a nickname tells Xingqiu that he either needs to fess up or get better at hiding what's troubling him.

He clears his throat abruptly, adjusting in his chair to sit up a little more while still not making eye contact. "It's very good, as always. You have a real talent for cooking, A'Yun. You always have."