Xingyun Oneshots

99 - If I Could Be So Soft (As to Touch Your Heart and Stay)

Chongyun, truthfully, doesn't really know how Xingqiu and him started to actually exchange their mutual feelings - or, more accurately, he doesn't know the point at which things started to shift from regular friendship to...whatever they were now. He's still not quite sure.

They'd never really had a proper confession since neither of them ever went ahead to say "I love you" out loud. No one had written it, or professed it, no one had even brought out flowers or waited for the 'perfect moment' or anything like that - It just...happened.

Chongyun didn't really mind that there wasn't a confession - he hadn't been planning on ever telling him in the first place, since he was just fine with admiring him from afar and keeping his feelings to himself. He had convinced himself he didn't really understand this feeling anyways, so it was just easier this way.

But he'd thought about it one time, before this...feeling shifted, when Xiangling and Hu Tao had pestered him about always going along with whatever Xingqiu wants them both to do.

Chongyun always came along to read at his request, or help him pick out new books, or even come with him to poetry events or book signings, but after that, Xingqiu stopping asking him to come along for any specific reason.

He just started asking Chongyun if he'd like to come along wherever it was that he was going (Chongyun hardly knew half the time), and Chongyun always said yes, though sometimes he still pretended to begrudgingly come along if Xingqiu grew a little too suspicious over his leniency or their friends noticed him not even trying to push back on him.

After they'd asked, he'd simply shrugged and brought a sheepish hand to his neck, mumbling about how he wasn't too sure, or Xingqiu would just continue to pester him to no end if he said no,  but when  he'd left, he actually sat down to give it and his feelings some thought before coming to a rather enlightening (albeit, a little scary) conclusion.

He always came along because 'spending time' with Xingqiu didn't have to be running errands or reading books or even talking anymore - now it could just be laying in the grass somewhere quiet to get away from the volume of the city for a few hours, basking in the warm shadows of the trees or mountaintops while the blues in the sky faded and fell into pinks, at which point they'd pick up their things and walk home in even more comfortable silence.

It was nice to just spend time quietly with Xingqiu like this, when even he was at a loss for words and wasn't teasing him or doing anything of the sort - just staying still to spend time with Chongyun, and that had hit his heart the hardest.

He was pretty sure then that he knew he loved Xingqiu an awful lot, even though he'd known that's what it was a long time ago.

It felt odd saying he loved him for a while because they had been friends for so, so long, but he really started to take comfort in this feeling, and that's about when he started to realize things changing between them and their relationship.

Chongyun felt that maybe things started to change when they stopped just staring at the sky and starting looking at each other somedays, just facing each other while the sun glazed over their features and they could study the sky and the clouds and the world above while also appreciating the bright hues in their eyes or the creases in their clothing.

One time Xingqiu had rolled over to look at him, and Chongyun hadn't said much, or even looked away, so they just looked at each other for a little while before Xingqiu closed his eyes and dozed off.

Chongyun found in this that while Xingqiu was already pretty enough, he could be so unintentionally even while asleep, with his cheek squished against his hands and his legs curled up while his face remains sunkissed by the light. It had made his heart beat faster to say the least, even though he still vowed he wouldn't say anything.