Xingyun Oneshots

77 - I Don't Know (Maybe I'm in Love)

Even with the blood rushing to his head and his neck pained from leaning uncomfortably over the pier's edge, Xingqiu makes zero effort to shift himself from his position.

He stares out at the sunny horizon, the dewy morning hours creeping upon Liyue as everyone is tiredly pushing aside the work day's demands in return for more slumber, despite the insistent calls.

Pulling an all nighter had not been his ideal night plan - it never was whenever it happened - but one hour of reading led to another, and ten minutes of wondering what he was doing with his life turned to twenty, and before he knew it all attempt of trying to go to sleep was in vain.

Rather than force himself to stay trapped in his room until the waking hours, he had looked out of his window and impulsively slipped out and went for a walk, ending up by the harbor and laying down on the rough wooden planks despite his discomfort - it was nothing compared to the kind he felt nowadays, anyway.

More often than not, he tried to put his feelings into terms he often fancied, like those in a poetic novel that challenged life's ideals. So, he decided, he felt rather melancholic most of the time. That was the term he was going with.

He feels a little dizzy from hanging his head over the edge, but continues to ignore it in favor of staring at the sunrise and watching the waves come dangerously close to his hair.

A little part of him (more so disguising a large part of him) wanted it to soak his hair, just tease it, so that it gave him a push and a reason to just ignore everything else and fall backwards into the waves.

He pushes the heels of his boots hard against the wood and scoots himself a little closer to the water, the crashing and frothing making his heart pound faster and faster.

The waves come close but shy away before they even graze his uneven strands, and he angrily stomps his foot in annoyance before accidentally shifting his body too far and soaking the greater half of his hair and earring.

"Xingqiu? What are you doing?"

Xingqiu almost doesn't hear the voice above him over the loud water sloshing below him, but his face turns beet red as he makes no move to look at Chongyun while he answers.

"I'm...just, enjoying the sunrise. I don't know." He exhales, the ocean hitting him with a spray of salt water.

"It's five a.m."

"And? The morn hours are the most ideal for a sunrise, is it not?"

Chongyun finally looks over the edge of the harbor to give Xingqiu a really? Look before he stretches and yawns, squinting at the horizon.

"If you say so...why are you really out here though?"

"I couldn't sleep, and then I started thinking too much, and eventually I just sort of...wandered out here." He sighs. His head bobs back and forth while the water pulls him by his hair, spreading it about and splaying it in the ripples. "Sometimes I just wonder if this is it, y'know?"

While Xingqiu can't see it, Chongyun feels concerned by his response and realizes this is going to be a heavier talk. Nothing he couldn't learn to understand, it just caught him by surprise.

He awkwardly shifts in his place and searches for words, studying the gold details on Xingqiu's boots and looking away when they travel to his legs. "What's wrong with right now?"

"I feel like there's so much I can't do because of my reputation in my family's business. Scratch that, it's not just a feeling - I can't do a lot of things because of it." Xingqiu mutters, tilting his head back dangerously so the water touches his head and his bangs.

"Like what sort of things?"

Xingqiu doesn't answer. He doesn't want to answer. Answering makes things complicated. Answering is tiring. Answering is opening a can of worms he really doesn't know if he can process right now.

But God does he want to so badly.

So Xingqiu holds his hands up and turns out his palms, inviting Chongyun to take them.

"Your hands? What about your hands?" Chongyun asks.

"Take them. Then I'll tell you."

Chongyun was well used to Xingqiu's little games just to get something out of him, so he complies and tucks his fingers in between his, the warmth in his hands making his knees feel weak and his body relax while he starts to pull him up.

Xingqiu pulls his head up as far as he can, the water dripping from his hair down his scalp to rain back into the water to the sea like it had never witnessed this interaction at all.

Chongyun pulls him up the rest of the way with the little strength he has left, holding him up with all of his weight.

"What can't you do?" Chongyun repeats, squeezing his hands to soak in all the warmth they encompassed while morning air bites his cheeks.

Xingqiu lets his eyelids fall a little so only slits of shiny amber poke out from under his eyelashes, that god-awful smitten look coming back to the place it called home while he guiltily smiles. He sits up as tall as he can even if just only to reach the corner of Chongyun's lips, but it's enough because he never even thought he'd get to get this far.

The warm, buzzy feeling of Xingqiu's kinda-kiss sent that jolt of fluttery feeling through Chongyun, the kind he only felt with Xingqiu and the only kind of warmth he was okay with. He felt awful just for the split second he didn't move, even if just to instantly adjust himself lower to kiss him back because he knows they'll likely never do it again.

The uncomfortable positions of leaning over and craned necks could only be ignored for so long though despite the insistent holding and melting sighs, and someone's foot may have slipped and someone else may have let go, and the other grabbed them by the shirt because there was no more doing things alone.

The freezing water no longer felt good when it was seeping into every inch of Xingqiu's clothing and caused him to tense up, so he desperately clings onto Chongyun's hoodie because it was the only familiarly within reach.

He doesn't open his eyes -he doesn't need to, and it would've burned from the saltwater anyways - but he can feel Chongyun grab the fabric of his shirt and place a hand between his shoulder blades as he kicks and brings them to the surface, gasping for air while the wind rushes past them.

Chongyun pushes Xingqiu's bangs out of the way and wipes his eyes, looking at him with concern while Xingqiu slowly opens his eyes and bobs up and down.

"Xingqiu are you okay? We should get you some dry clothes, and probably a hot shower. Hot shower for you, not for me." He squeezes the wet fabric of Xingqiu's overcoat between his fingers, the water seeping out.

"I'm fine, I'll always be fine." He breathes, pulling him closer by his hoodie. "Just as long as you're here. Just as long as you don't forget any of this."

"Of course I won't." Chongyun gives him a sympathetic look. "I love you. Even if saying that out loud sounds a little too forward..."

"You love me? Like, you love me love me? Like you're in love with me?" Xingqiu looks at him in disbelief, his gaze wavering and his grip on his hoodie relaxing.

"Yeah. Are you in love with me too?"

"Chongyun," Xingqiu laughs. He presses his lips against his and tries not to smile like dork, but he's done with trying to hide it for today. "I am head over heels for you."

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I don't know how on earth I wrote this this well but I'm not complaining (it was 4 a.m. and I couldn't sleep)

Written: July 31st, 2023

Finished/Published: August 1st, 2023

(Word Count: 1,354)