Hello, and welcome BACK to the Yogscast

Chapter 1 Empty Beds and Faded Blue Shirts

THIS IS A SECOND BOOK, THIS MIGHT NOT MAKE SENSE IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE FIRST BOOK.

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I rolled over waking up slowly facing the empty space next to me, I stroked the bed sheet and sat up, you would have thought after a month it would be easier to get up and carry on but it wasn't. The early August sun was beaming through the gap in the curtains lighting up the room. There was still a pile of his clothes that needed putting away on the corner and his Dota collectable statues on the small shelve by the wardrobe. My dream state was ripped away from me when I heard a knock on the door and Ross asked if I was awake. I replied to him and removed the duvet from over me and sat on the edge of the bed. Ross opened the door with a tea in his hand and walked in placing it on the bedside table. 'How'd you sleep?' He asked folding his arms standing in front of me, I shrugged my shoulders he told me we were leaving in around an hour and he would meet me downstairs.

I walked over to the wardrobe once Ross had left and opened it revealing my assortment of clothes. I saw Smith's clothes hanging in the other side of the wardrobe and I swallowed hard holding back any tears that dared escaped and that were left. I picked out a baggy, faded blue t-shirt and jeans and got changed.

Ross and everyone else were stood at the bottom of the stairs ready to leave, 'Ready to go?' Trott asked putting his hand on my back reassuring me, I nodded and we headed out. Our used to be happy energetic walks were now just long painful silences. There would be some conversation but never too much anymore.

Once we got to the office I went into Hannah's office like normal and I would wait in there for her to arrive just like she had told me to do every day. It was so she could check up on me, she said it wasn't but it was we both knew it was. I was sat with my bag on my lap waiting for her to arrive.

Don't get me wrong I am coping better than I did at first, the day that I read the letter I just sat in the bedroom clinging onto his pillow listening for the door to open or my phone to ring. I didn't come down until midday the next day and I didn't eat anything for two days and the only reason I did was because Ross told me to so I did. I would cry myself to sleep and wake up with a damp pillow when I eventually fell asleep. Kim and Katie tried to get me to sleep in the spare room but I wanted to sleep in the room since it smelt like him and comforted me.

Hannah walked in the room juggling a bottle of water, keys and notepads. She smiled at me and I fake smiled back at her. 'What are you doing today?' She asked putting all of her stuff on the desk. Ross and Trott were recording by themselves and with some of the other people in the office and Sips and Turps they had said that Smith had gone to visit family and I was on holiday. But we had no idea where Smith actually was and I was most defiantly not on holiday. 'I don't know.' I murmured and she sat at her desk, 'Well it is Wednesday so I am recording with Nilesey this morning but then I am only editing this afternoon so we can hand out then. I am sure you could find someone who isn't busy if you want company.' I nodded and grabbed my bag, 'You need a good night sleep Abbey. Please either sleep in that spare room or come and stay with Lewis and me just so that you can rest up.' I nodded and walked out the room and into the common room. I hadn't really been in the office since he had vanished, it just hurt too much, I would give anything to go back to when we were watching Tekkit together. I walked into the common room which was luckily empty and sat on the sofa in the corner facing the opposite wall. Sjin walked in and gave me a sympathetic smile. 'Hey if you have nothing to do you can come and hang out with Duncan and I in my office? We are painting war hammer and listening to music waiting for videos to render.' I thanked him for the offer but declined. 'Ok but if you get really bored just come in.' I nodded and he walked out again.

I sat for a further fifteen minutes then stood up. You know when you kind of do something but not really realising you are doing it but you are unable to stop yourself. This was happening with me now. My body and brain were working separately now.

I walked over to Sjin's office and knocked walst simultaneously opening the door. Sjin looked up from his painting and Duncan turned around in his chair. They had music playing from Sjin's computer and I think I interrupted their conversation. 'Can I join you?' I asked in a volume that resembles a mouse. 'Of course.' Sjin said turning around and lifting a chair over and placed it next to him which I sat on with my hands in between my legs looking down slightly. 'Duncan was just telling me about CSGO. Have you played it?' Sjin asked me and I shook my head. I know I wasn't involved in the conversations too much but the company of these two made me feel better. I didn't feel too lonely. Duncan was talking about his girlfriend Charlie and Sjin was talking about his other half Ruby and their trip to Canada.

I had never met either girls but Duncan and Sjin said that I would get on well with them. Them talking about their relationships made me remember mine and how it didn't feel like it excisted anymore. Maybe it didn't. Maybe Smith had found someone else. Someone better and he would never be coming back.

'Abbey?..' I had glazed over and they had both noticed. I looked at Duncan, 'You alright?' He asked and I nodded and excused myself feeling the lump in my throat making me feel like I was going to choke. As I walked out of the room Ross was walking up from the office and saw me. 'How's it going Abbey?' He asked walking over to me. I turned to look at him now probably looking a state trying not to cry but I failed. Ross practically ran up to me and put his arm round me guiding me into the common room.

He closed the door behind us and wrapped me in his arms. 'What's happened?' He asked in a quiet comforting voice. I told him about what I had thought after listening to Sjin and Duncan. 'He wouldn't do that to you Abbey; there would be no one better for him than you.' I looked up at Ross still hanging onto him and he smiled down at me. 'Please come and sit with Trott and I. We are not doing any recording today we have enough content for a few days.' He managed to encourage me and I grabbed my bag from the sofa and walked with him down the hall into the office.