Hello, and welcome BACK to the Yogscast

Chapter 33 Bottles and Honesty

He walked over and sat on the bed next to me. 'What's inside?' I asked him before looking him in the eye waiting for some lie or excuse. 'It's nothing.' He told me, 'if it is nothing then why hide it? Tell the guys about it?' I asked and he just sighed. 'Because I don't want to worry you.' I wasn't too worried before mostly curious, but now I was very worried. 'Why would I be worried?' I asked him twice before he replied. 'Because...You have had to go through more than some go through in a lifetime and I want you to be happy. Not worried about me or anything.' He told me leaning on his elbows on his legs. 'That's no excuse.' I said bluntly and he looked at me. 'We are a team. We love each other. We trust each other. We go through everything and anything together.' I told him. He took the box off of my lap and put it on his. 'You promise?' I nodded and he sighed and started to slide the lid of the box up slowly. When the lid was completely removed I peered inside and there were two bottles of pills and medication and also some folded paper.

We were sat in silence for a second before I stood up and paced back and forward a couple of times before stopping in front of him. 'What are they?' I asked with a wobbly voice. 'They are all legal I promise.' I rolled my eyes that thought had never even passed through my mind. 'Well that's a start.' I said I paced once more before kneeling down in front of him and the box. 'What are they for?' I asked him. 'Nothing important, they are just tablets.' He told me piling all the paper in the corner of the box. 'Ok if you don't want to talk about the pills let's talk about the paper.' I suggested and he looked at me. 'What's that one?' I asked pointing to the one in his hands and he handed it to me. I unfolded it and at the top in black pen was the words 'Wedding Wishes' and there was a list of various preferences, all of which we had talked about. 'You noted this all down?' I asked still going down the list. 'Yeah, wanted to make sure that I didn't miss anything.' I put the paper back and noticed a larger piece of paper near the top of the pile. 'What's that one.' I asked pointing not wanting to take anything that he didn't want me to. 'I recorded whenever you had a nightmare or anxiety attack.' He said sheepishly like it was something to be ashamed of. 'It's a bit creepy right.' He said and I shook my head, 'no it just shows you care honey.' I told him and he smiled slightly. I stood up and tidied up some clothes his side since I wasn't going to push him to tell me what the pills were for. I trusted him.

I was putting the clothes into the basket ready to take downstairs. 'Depression.' Smith just said as I was tidying. I looked over at him confused. 'They are for depression. The pills.' I walked over and sat by his side. 'I got them walst I was gone.' I had never really heard the tone of voice he was using, he sounded broken, sad, distraught. 'I didn't want you to worry.' He told me. I put my arms around him turning him towards me and he sobbed and cried, 'I'm sorry.' He kept repeating over and over as he cried. I just kept stroking the back of his neck holding back tears and sobs myself. 'Don't be sorry.' I finally managed to get out. 'I have let you down again.' He told me. 'No you haven't.' I told him. 'I was going to tell you when you showed me your scars the other day but you were so excited about the wedding. I promise that I was going to tell you. When Trott told me that Ross had told you I panicked.' I stopped him. 'What did you do?' I asked now worried about Ross. 'Nothing I was too worried about you and he was hammered, it wasn't really his fault.' I sighed a sigh of relief. 'Is there anything else you want to tell me?' he looked at me. 'I think now is the time to be 100% honest with each other. Trust each other.' I told him and he nodded. 'I regret not going to my mum's funeral. I haven't even spoken to my dad or my brother, anyone since she died. I haven't even visited her.' He sniffed. 'Where did you go when you were away?' I asked him. 'jumped between friends houses, I spent a night under a bridge I think. I was at one friends house and they are a counsellor and referred me. That's when I got the meds.' I nodded and smiled at him. 'It feels better to tell people.' I told him and he nodded. 'Make me a promise.' I said taking his hands in mine as he nodded. 'No more secrets. We share any issues no matter how small, no matter how big we share them.' He nodded again and gave me a massive hug and thanked me.

We walked downstairs after being upstairs for a number of hours just talking, slightly teary eyed we walked into the living room where the others were. 'You two alright?' Trott asked concerned. 'We are good.' I told them and everyone smiled, Ross looked very awkward sat furthest away. 'I am glad that everything is good. Do you two fancy pizza for dinner?' Katie asked picking up the phone to order.

We were waiting for the pizza to arrive, I was sat on the sofa with Smith, Trott and Katie and Ross and Kim were sat on pillows on the floor. We were watching a friends box set I think season three when Ross stood up leaving the room I gave it a second before following him out into the kitchen. 'Hey.' I said as he looked in the glass cup cupboard. 'I am not mad at you, Smith's not mad at you, no one is mad at you.' I told him and he looked around the cupboard. 'Really, but I told you and he asked me not to.' I nodded. 'I know he did but what you did possibly just saved us. If anything I should be thanking you.' I told him leaning against the counter as he filled his glass at the sink. 'So he is not going to try to take my head off?' He asked and I giggled shaking my head. 'No your head is safe where it is.' I said and we walked back into the living room.

**AUTHORS NOTE**

I couldn't leave the cliff hanger, sozzle :-)

Abs