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Chapter 38 Comforting and Confusion

We had eaten dinner and cleared away and were now sat in the living room watching some programme about under the sea. Katie was on her I pad, Trott was watching the programme and Smith and I were cuddling on the end of the sofa. Every noise I listened to, listening for the door to open, a key in a lock anything. When the time reached half ten we all decided to go to bed, I was reluctant, I wanted to be there if Ross needed me, that's what he would do for me.

'Come on Abbey, they will be fine.' Smith said waiting for me by the door. I followed him out of the room and upstairs to our room. We said goodnight to Trott and Katie and went into our room. Smith and I got changed and ready for bed, I left my phone by my bed side and left it on rather than putting it on silent. I got into bed with Smith and rested my head on his chest and he put his arm around me. He took longer to fall asleep than normal but he did in the end but I couldn't sleep I listened for anything.

***

I must have drifted off because the front door closing woke me up abruptly. I moved so I was almost sat up, Smith was still asleep, the clock said it was half twelve. I got up and out of bed and walked over to the door and just listened. I couldn't hear much, I opened the door and walked downstairs slightly scared, the house was in pitch black, there were no lights on. as I made it to the hall I turned the light on. 'Hello?' I said out loud. I walked past the dining room and kitchen but there was no one in there. I went into the living room and turned the lamp on which was by the door. I warm orange glow filled the room, the far corners of the room remained in darkness. And sat on the sofa was Ross, he had his head down with his coat still on and his keys on his hands, he looked lightly out of breath but didn't look up. I didn't know what to say, or if I should say anything at all. I walked over to the sofa and sat down next to him, I was still in my PJ's, a vest top and shorts and I was slightly cold since it was night and we were in Bristol approaching autumn.

We sat there not saying a word for a little while. I eventually shuffled closer to him so we were shoulder to shoulder; I put my hand on his forearm and squeezed slightly. 'Where is she?' I asked in a quiet deeper than normal voice. He did nothing, said nothing. I took my hand off of his arm and put my hand on his, 'I am sorry Ross.' I said to him looking at him, he still did nothing. 'You need to know that this isn't the end. It's just the start of a new chapter and the end of another.' I told him. 'Did you know?' he said his voice sounded like he had been crying and his eyes told the same story. I sighed and took my hand off of his, 'She told me when you got back from lunch.' I told him being 100% honest with him. 'Had she said anything before then?' he asked, he turned his head slowly to face me, 'She was finding it hard to cope with the anxiety and after you told her about the scars.' I told him and his shoulders sunk lower. I put my arm around him, 'It's not your fault Ross.' I told him, 'I love her Abbey. I trusted her and I finally felt like we were honest with each other.' His voice was very wobbly. I used my free hand to take the keys from his hands and put them on the coffee table slowly. 'I know you do.' he looked at me before looking back at the floor, 'I can't do this again. I can't cope with it again.' He sounded like he was going to cry again, 'You will not have to.' I told him and he looked at me again and looked slightly happier. 'You have so many people that care for you and want only the best for you. You don't have to deal with this alone Ross.' I told him and I put my other arm around him giving him a hug, he put his arms around me too. We sat there for longer than I had anticipated, we broke away slowly, his head brushed against mine briefly. We kind of froze our heads still very close together, there were very slight movements from both of us before Ross put his lips against mine, it happened twice more before I realised what was happening and pulled away. Neither of us knew what had just happened. We both looked at each other, I was confused, he was confused. 'I am so sorry.' He said, 'I don't know... I am sorry.' He said shuffling, I was still very confused, 'It's fine.' It wasn't really but I didn't know what else to say. We sat for a minute or so before I stood up, 'I am going back to bed, you should go too. It's late.' I said leaving him in the room behind me.

When I got back upstairs out bed room light was on and Smith was sat up in bed. 'How is he?' He made me jump, 'He is a little shaken but he is alright.' I told him feeling very awkward. 'Are you alright?' He asked and I nodded, 'Sorry I woke you up.' I said getting back into bed. 'You didn't your phone did. Text messages than I think a phone call.' I picked up my phone and looked at it they were all from Duncan.

'Kim is here in tears is everything alright at your place?'

'Hey, I think something happened between her and Ross, is he with you guys? Please reply.

'Kim is staying here tonight. She broke it off with Ross. Is he with you guys she said he walked out on dinner.'

I called Duncan back and he picked up almost instantly, 'hey I was thinking that you were asleep.' I told him Ross was here and they had broken up. We talked a little about Kim, she seemed a little better than Ross and was asleep on Duncan and Charlie's sofa. We hung up and I put my phone next to me and filled Smith in. We settled back down, I spent a while just looking at the ceiling thinking about what Ross and I had said and done. I was still so confused, surly if I wanted I could have stopped sooner, not even reach the stage that we kissed, but I didn't stop it. What did that mean?