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Chapter 7 Mixed Feelings and Restless Nights

When we got home after being at office Katie looked like she was waiting for us to get back. She spoke to Trott quietly, I went upstairs to dump my stuff and Kim and Ross went into the kitchen.

I stayed upstairs and I scrolled through Tumblr and twitter for a little while, and there was a lovely smell of dinner filling the house. After I had finished with twitter I folded up some washing ready to put it away. I was folding my t-shirts and Katie knocked on the door, 'Come in' I said putting my folding to one side. 'Hey, I heard you had a hectic day. How you doing?' I shrugged my shoulders, 'not too bad, just a bit overwhelmed.' I admitted and she nodded coming to sit with me on the bed. 'Alex came home and he was upset, a mixture of anger and sadness. I tried to talk to him but he just went upstairs he came down around half an hour later to get a drink and he looked like he had been crying.' I started to feel very guilty. 'He hasn't come out of the spare room since. I don't know what we should do.' She finished and I sighed. 'I will try talking to him. We will come down for dinner later.' She gave me a quick hug and left. I took my shoes off and stood up and left the room.

I knocked on the door but there was no answer, I tried again, 'Alex it's me, can we talk?' I asked with my forehead against the door. There were footsteps and shuffling and I heard the mechanism in the door click. 'Hey.' I said to him looking at him. 'Can we talk?' I asked again and he let go of the door and went and sat on the bed. I stepped in the room and closed the door behind me and leant on the door. 'I am sorry for shouting at you earlier..' I started but he interrupted, 'You shouldn't be saying sorry, I guess I was just confused and angry. You weren't in the wrong to react that way.' I stared at him as his head was just hung looking at the floor. I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed with him, 'you know I had no problem with you getting away. Because you didn't say where you were going and for how long, I panicked that you would never come back. I needed you.' I stopped at looked at him, 'I still do.' He lifted his head and looked back at me. 'We need each other, we are two broken people who together are strong enough but alone we crumble.' I told him and he smiled. 'That was very cheesy' I chuckled, 'I liked it. It's the truth' He said, I nodded ad rested my head on his shoulder. 'They are cooking dinner downstairs. I bet you are hungry if you have been up here since after lunch.' I told him lifting my head. 'You know me too well.' He said standing up and holding his hand out to help me up which I took.

We walked down stairs, me behind Smith and there was an amazing smell coming from the kitchen. 'What you cooking?' I asked poking my head around the door and Smith went to the living room. 'We are having duck pancakes and special fried rice.' Kim told me with Ross cutting vegetables next to her. 'How you two doing?' Ross asked I nodded, 'Better I think we had a chat and we are both happier now.' Ross smiled and said he was happy for us and Kim said something similar.

I went through to the living room and Trott and Smith were watching Sons of Anarchy on the projector and Katie was knelt at the coffee table making her jewellery. Sat next to Smith and watched too.

Smith and I cleared up after an amazing dinner and then we continued to watch Sons of Anarchy. Katie didn't really like it for the blood and gore so she just did her jewellery, Trott was sat on the floor next to Katie and we four were sat on the sofa. We managed to get through two episodes before I decided I wanted to go to bed.

I was laying in bed when I heard everyone else come up. I laid in the dark listening to everyone walking around before the house fell into silence. I rolled over and faced the empty half of the bed and placed my hand on the pillow. Knowing Smith was in the other room rather than not knowing where he was made it harder to sleep. I tossed and turned until the clock hit half one and I sat up and put the bed side lamp on and sighed. I rubbed my face with my hands and picked up my phone from beside me. I had nothing to read, nothing to look at. I got out of bed and went over to my bag and pulled out a pair of headphones and sat in bed listening to music, I lay back down and turned out the light. I got close to falling asleep but every time a new song played I would wake up a little and I would be back at the start. I sat up again and texted Smith, I expected no reply due to the time and the fact that he would probably be asleep. I didn't get a reply so I laid back down and I felt my eyelids getting heavy.

I was in a very light sleep and I swear I felt the bed move slightly and woke up with a jolt and turned the light on. Smith was stood at the end of the bed, 'You know that's creepy right? How long have you been stood there?' I asked in succession. 'Only a minute or so. I needed the bathroom and I saw your text I came in to see if you were awake. Turns out you weren't.' He said putting his hands in his pockets. 'Well I am now.' I mumbled. 'Yeah sorry. I will see you in the morning.' He told he turning to leave the room. 'You can stay. If you want.' I suggested feeling slightly bashful. 'I want nothing else more.' He uttered. I lifted up the duvet and he climbed in next to me and I wrapped both of my arms around him and he did the same. The bed no longer felt empty. I didn't feel empty anymore. We cuddled like this for a little while until I wiggled so that I was just lying on his arm holding onto it with my left hand with my right across me. 'Where does this put us?' He asked and I rolled my head to look at him. 'What do you mean?' I asked him, we were both whispering. 'What are we? Where are we?' He asked looking at me. 'We are us and we are together.' I told him and he kissed the top of my head and I rested my head on his chest and finally fell into a much needed deep sleep.