Hello, and welcome BACK to the Yogscast

Chapter 97 Over Thinking and Talking Pictures

I went to my usual bolt hole, the attic, I looked out the window deep in daydream over thinking everything like I always managed to do. I should have told her sooner, but I only just found out myself right? So how could I tell her that we were going? Maybe she had a bad day at work and was just in a bad mood in general? What if I had really upset her? What if she doesn't want to speak to me anymore? 'Penny for your thoughts?' KIm asked walking in. Our relationship was far better than it was, we were back to good friends rather than the awkward friendship we had before. 'I am fine.' I said bluntly and instantly regretted it. 'Sorry just thought you might want to talk. Smith and Ross are talking about you downstairs and I thought I should come and check on you.' She said turning to go back downstairs. 'No, look I am sorry it's just thi is not what we all need right now.' I told her and she came and sat next to me. 'We told her you were busy and she said something like she thinks you don't want to see her so I took pity on her and let her in.' Kim told me, 'yeah she seems to be good at that huh.' I mumbled, Smith and Ross are worried about you. you know? They think you are struggling with all fo this at once.' I looked at her, 'they're not wrong.'

Kim and I spoke about something else until Ross and Smith came upstairs to find us. 'Thought this would be where you were.' Ross said as they walked in, 'you alright honey?' Smith asked me and I nodded, 'yeah just needed to clear my head a little.' Smith knew very well that when I needed some time away from whatever it was normally a bad idea because I would just overthink things and make things far worse for myself. 'Well the good news is Trott and Katie have ordered pizza in and it will be here soon and a load of new films on Netflix so we were thinking film night and pizza.' Ross said, 'so much for the gym.' Kim said.

***

I opened my eyes suddenly as wide as they could possibly go and was greeted by nothing but darkness. My fists were gripping the sheets of the bed and my head was pounding, I have never had a headache after a nightmare. I sat up and looked at my phone, it was half two far too early to get up but I was wide awake. I turned my bedside lamp on and looked at the picture of my dad. Without thinking I started talking to him like he was really there, like he was listening. 'I bet you would know what to do, you look like you know how to handle a crappy situation. Was mum always like this?' I whispered as not to wake Smith up. 'I really want to get on with her but I barely know who she is. She only came into my life because Smith found her. It's not like she made any effort herself.' I sighed, 'i miss you so much, I have never met you before but I miss you. I think you would really like Alex dad. He his amazing though all of this, he should have left me by now, I have been more than trouble for everyone but he has been through it all with me. You would be proud dad. I wish you were here.' I felt Smith move next to me. 'You talking to me?' He said in his sleepy voice. 'No.' I said looking at the picture one last time before turning off the light. 'Just talking to myself.' I said before pretending to sleep.

***

I must have fallen asleep at some point because I woke up feeling groggy, like a hangover. Smith was already up and I realised how much I had laid in. I got changed into comfy clothes, jogging bottoms and hoodie before going upstairs to join the guys in the attic. 'Hey.' Ross greeted, I smiled at him as Smith took off his headphones and looked at me. 'You ok?' He asked me, 'You were talking in your sleep last night.' I walked over to my chair. 'Did I?' I pretended to sound surprised. 'Yeah it was strange.' He was still looking at me as I started on emails, he stayed staring at me for a moment before going back to doing what he had to do.

Until one o'clock we worked on two separate trailers hoping this would speed things up. Smith and I worked on the editing of the footage that we had for the trailers all of the visual aspects while Trott and Ross both worked on the audio aspects for the two trailers. When 1 p.m. rolled around the guys decided to take break for food and other human functions. Kim and Katie has gone to work Ages ago so it was just us in the house. 'We need to record more squad' Trott said he had been looking at what would be best for bulk recording we could do that the audience enjoyed, 'I am down for that, should we say once we have finished this trailer we play it or do you want more of a break?' Smith asked, 'How far are you guys through with the trailer you were working on?' I asked Trott and Ross, 'Almost done give us a couple of hours then I think it will be good to send off.' Ross said, 'Yeah I rekon we will be done in a couple of hours max, what do you think Abbey?' he had to repeat my name again, 'Yeah?' I answered, 'You think we will be done in a couple of hours, then we play squad.' He said, yeah, yeah sounds like a plan.'

After our little break, We started getting ready to head back up, Ross and Trott went upstairs and I got up to follow and Smith grabbed my forearm. 'Talk to me.' He said and I sat back down. 'You got a topic in mind?' I said trying to avoid the whole situation. 'Who were you talking to last night?' He asked, 'no one like I told you.' I told him lying again. 'Abbey, I can only help if you talk to me. Please. You were talking to someone we both know it wasn't in your sleep, you had your light on.' I sighed he had caught me out. 'I was talking to my dad.' I said, 'i know it's stupid.' I felt embarrassed even though I know I shouldn't, Smith and I share everything, most of the time. 'What were you talking about?' he asked taking me seriously, 'Just about mum, I know it's stupid.' I said and he grabbed hold of my hands and shuffled closer to me. 'It's not stupid, I talk to my mum, it's a way of coping.' Smith said in a low tone. 'But I never even met my dad, it doesn't make sense.' I said lt mine and Smith's Hands. 'If that's what you do it's fine, no one is judging you. And you don't have to have met someone to love them, you love the memories that they left behind, for you your dad left behind a story of his life which you love in turn you love him.' he looked at me for a second, 'that last part didn't really make sense did it.' he smiled and I hugged him my arms around his neck. 'It did.' I pulled away from Smith and rested my forehead on his. 'I love you.' he said, 'I love you too.'