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Chapter 37 A Shoulder To Cry on and History Repeats

I looked at Kim still shocked with what she had said, 'Ross' anxiety and issues just seem to come and go, there is no stability how can we have a future that's not stable?' she waited for me to answer. 'So what are you going to do? I asked folding my arms and leaning on the counter and she shrugged her shoulders, 'Well you break up with him you brake him, you stay with him, fill him with false hope and you brake him.' I said and she put her cup down, 'So I can't win?' she said I picked up the mugs for me and the guys, 'Yeah you can't win.' I said now annoyed by the fact that Ross was finally happy because he thought Kim understood him and Kim was stood here telling me that she couldn't see a future. I left the room and went back down to the hat office.

When I walked in they were all very busy at their computers, I wanted to tell them but they were so busy and we had so much to the before the weekend since we were leaving Thursday afternoon for Insomnia, Hannah and Lewis would show up on the Friday. I handed out the tea and sat back at my desk and did some emails for Trott .

The guys were still going by six, I had been hanging around with Sjin for a little while now since he was editing a time lapse which took forever. I had been flicking through one of the comics in his room walst he edited since we had run out of conversation topics. I had the whole Kim situation brewing the whole time, wandering whether I had miss heard something or maybe miss understood. I sighed and remembered Lewis telling me if I had any problem to tell Turps before they left. 'You alright? If you want to go I won't be that offended.' Sjin said taking his headphones off. 'No it's fine, do you know if Turps is still here?' I asked and Sjin shrugged his shoulders, 'I can email him if you want and find out.' I shook my head, 'no it's fine I will go and check upstairs.' I said standing up and leaving the room.

I walked upstairs, the editors room was pretty deserted and there was pretty much no one upstairs, I knocked on Turps door which was next to Lewis office. 'Hello.' I sighed a sigh of relief knowing that he was still here. I opened the door and closed it behind me. 'And what can I do for you madam?' he said turning away from his screen to face me. 'Can I talk to you?' I asked I could already feel my voice starting to wobble. 'Yeah, yeah of course what's up?' He said pulling a chair next to his. 'Can you keep a secret for me? I just need to know what to do.' I told him with the occasional brake in my voice where tears tried to escape. He nodded I took a deep breath, 'Kim told me that she doesn't see a future with Ross, if she brakes it off with him then...' I couldn't carry on, I just cried, I couldn't see Ross like he was before. 'Hey, shhh it's ok.' Turps said putting his arm around me, 'You really care about him don't you.' Turps uttered, I nodded.

We sat there for a little while longer just in silence; I don't really think Turps knew what to do. 'Do you want me to call Lewis or Hannah?' He asked and I shook my head wiping my eye with my hand. 'I don't want to bother them.' I told him, 'I can go and get Smith?' he asked and I shook my head to that too, they were busy. 'Ross is so happy now that he thinks Kim understands but she doesn't.' I said again, 'I know you are worried but if you tell Ross then you could be doing more damage than good. You will have to let things play out. I know that won't be easy but you just need to be there for Ross if anything happens.' Turps had a point I wouldn't want to make the situation worse. 'Now then it's almost half seven.' Turps said looking at his watch, 'I am going home, when are you and the guys heading out?' I shrugged my shoulders, 'Come on let's go downstairs.' Turps said.

I had to wait for Turps to be ready before we could go down stairs. We walked down the corridor and to the guys office. Turps walked in first and I followed him, Smith stood up from his desk and the other two were sat on the sofa. 'Hey. You alright?' Smith asked walking over to Turps and I. 'Yeah she is fine, she was helping me with some filing.' Turps covered. 'Oh. Well we are ready to go if you are.' Smith said looking at me and I nodded and picked up my stuff from by my desk.

We walked home just the four of us, Kim had gone home a while ago. I held Smith's hand and we barely spoke a word to each other, Ross and Trott were walking a little ahead of us talking away. When we got home Trott and Ross went through to the living room and I waited for Smith to close the door. 'Can I talk to you?' I asked quietly and he nodded and we went upstairs and into our room.

He sat on the edge of the bed and I closed the door behind us. 'Are you alright? You looked pretty crappy when you came back with Turps.' I walked towards him and sighed crossing my arms. 'Kim might break it off with Ross.' I said, Smith looked at me confused, 'Ross said they had been better than ever.' He said, 'Yeah I know that's what he thinks but Kim doesn't think that she can deal with the fact that he's like me.' I told him, 'Ross suffers from anxiety like me, we have had similar experiences in life that have scared us and because of that and the way that he is, Kim doesn't see a future.' I told him. Smith stood up and put his hands in his pockets. 'If Ross loses Kim then it will be the Lucy thing all over again. I don't think he can handle that.' I agreed, 'Yeah but if he keeps believing that everything is fine when it's not then the damage could be far worse.' Smith sighed and there was a knock on the door. 'Come in.' Smith said and I turned to face the door. 'Hi, Kim and Ross have gone out and Katie and I were wandering if you guys wanted stir fry for dinner?' I looked over at Smith, 'Who said that they were going out?' Smith asked, 'Kim said to Ross that they should go out, said they would be back later. Why do you ask?' Trott asked. 'No reason, they went out for lunch too, just a little strange. Yeah Dinner sounds good.' I said and I smiled at him and he hesitantly left the room.

Once Trott had closed the door again it think Smith and I had exactly the same thought, Kim has gone out with Ross to break up with him. 'It's going to be fine, Kim will let him down gently, she is a nice person. Not evil  like Lucy.' Smith reassured.