Complicated ✔

52 - Not Here

KATHRYN'S POV

I laid in bed, sniffling and trying to wipe away the traitorous tears that fell. I hadn't moved for hours after walking into the prison once Dad told me the news about Daryl leaving with his brother. I should've known better, even after he promised, that anything related to Merle would have his top priority. I knew I looked like shit, my eyes were red and puffy, tender to the touch from continuously being rubbed. There were tear stains on my cheeks and the filthy pillow I laid my head on was drenched from my salty tears that landed on its surface. Every time I thought I was finished crying over that man, a new memory of something he and I had done between the time we'd left the farm and now came back and haunted my every thought until it went away to make way for another memory.

I was laying in the fetal position, my arms wrapped tightly around my legs as I pulled them closer to me each time a sob racked my body. I felt so alone. Even with all these people in our group, it didn't feel the same without Daryl there too. I'm sure my father and the others were wondering what had gotten into me. No one knew about the relationship I had with Daryl, and no one was going to find out either. This was something between us that we didn't want to share with the world. And the thing that hurts the most right now, is knowing that my birthday is coming up in just a few days, and Daryl won't be here to take me to do something like he promised. That's another promise he's breaking to me. That thought alone sends another sob threw me, causing me to grip my legs tighter.

The sound of slow moving footsteps reaches my ears, causing me to sniffle out as I quiet down to listen. No one has tried to check on me yet, so why now all of a sudden? "Kathryn," a familiar voice calls out, instantly causing me to stiffen as their footsteps stop in the door to my cell. "You're not here," I whispered out as I shook my head, "you're not here because you left with your brother. You abandoned me." "Kat I am here," Daryl started but I quickly cut him off. "No," I shouted as I sat up and glared at him, "you lost the right to call me Kat when you left me." I watched as his head lowered before I quickly turned around on my bed and pulled my knees up to my chest as I stared at the barren wall that held up the bunk I was on.

"I didn't have a choice," I heard Daryl say before I heard him walk further into my cell, "I wasn't leaving Merle behind again. Your father wasn't going to let him in this prison." "It's nice to know where we stand then," I whispered out calmly with my back still to him even though I could feel his presence close to the bunk, "now leave me alone." "What do you mean," he asked, and from the sound of his movements, it sounded as if he had knelt down by the bed just behind me. "If I were there," I asked out as new tears sprang forth and started to fall, "if I was on my knees begging, would you have still left with Merle? Or would you have stayed with me?" I knew the answer to this question, but I still had to ask, to see if he'd admit to it or try and bullshit me. "I don't know," came his reply, earning a scoff from me.

"Bullshit," I whispered, "we both know what you'd do. I know you better than you think I do Daryl. So, why don't you just save us, or me, the pain and leave again? This time, stay away." "No," he said with a finality in his voice, "because you're going to listen to me now, whether you want to or not." "Why should I do that," I asked with a scoff as I continued to keep my back to him. "Because," he whispered out in a soft voice, "I'm hoping I haven't lost my Jane yet." My breath hitched in my throat as what he said sunk in and I slowly turned to face him, my blue eyes locking with his own.

"Got your attention," he asked as a small smirk crossed his features, "good. You are so damn stubborn." "Look who's talking," I said with a scoff as I fought the smile that wanted to grace my lips, "I'm a redhead what'd you expect. Stubbornness comes with the territory." My mood instantly began to drop as I stared at him. My eyes went all over his face before returning to make eye contact with him. "You can't do this to me Daryl," I whispered out as I realized I was head over heels for this man and he could never feel the same way because I was no more than a kid to him. "You do this to me," he said quickly grabbing my hand and placing it on his beating heart, "every time I see or think about you. You're not alone."

With his hand covering mine that was still resting on his chest, while he stared into my eyes, he moved his free hand up to cup my cheek. I couldn't help but lean my face into his touch, my eyes closing for a second before I felt him shift. When I reopened my eyes, he was leaning in. And before I could comprehend what was happening, his lips enveloped mine. It still amazed me how much could be felt and said in a kiss if the right person was responsible for it. I quickly moved to a more comfortable position on my bed, him still kneeling on the floor but now between my legs, as I moved my hands to cup his face and pull him closer to me. He happily obliged, his hands moving to my waist and pulling me closer to the edge of the bed and pressing me up against him.

We broke away for a breath of air, long enough for him to quickly tug his flannel off, before our lips collided again. With the sense of urgency behind the kiss, I could tell this was finally it. I was finally giving my innocence to the one man who I thought deserved it. I didn't even care that at any moment my dad or someone else from the group could walk up and towards my cell, easily seeing just what was going on between me and Daryl. All I cared about at that moment, was pulling his belt through the loops in his jeans and trying to quickly unbutton them with the shaky hands I was having to work with. In my mind, nothing else mattered but this moment, the moment I've been waiting for with Daryl.

I slowly opened my eyes. I didn't remember falling asleep, I just remembered laying down on the bottom bunk in my cell and starting to cry. I could feel the remnants from my earlier tears still on my face and around my eyes. But, as the memory of the dream came back to me and the realization that it was just a dream the whole time, new tears began to fall. I was mad at Daryl, he left me when he promised to come back. He left me for his brother. But then I remembered telling Glenn back when I first met him, that if it wasn't for Carl then I wouldn't have stuck around like I had, so I couldn't blame him for his family coming first. Closing my eyes as the tears streamed down my face and puddled under my cheek I was laying on, I tried to fight back the memory of what Daryl and myself had almost done in the dream. That was twice now that I've dreamt of almost sleeping with Daryl.

I can't really take much credit, if any, for this chapter. gamodei97 wrote something for this so she definitely gets most of the credit to this update.
- Kenz