One Direction Preferences✔️

Soundtrack Series • FOUR • Stockholm Syndrome

Harry: She can't tell your mind is somewhere else, can she? She probably doesn't care either way. You hover over her, thrusting in and out, but you couldn't be further from the intimacy. Your mind is wondering away from the girl underneath you and over to the one a thousand miles away, wondering how she is. You were so stupid to let her just walk out of the house like that. She didn't deserve to feel that way. You had lost her now; she was gone. One of the only people that had actually been there for you, and you had just let her walk away. A strong tug in your hair brings you back, and you focus in on the girl below you. She had put you through so much hell, and despite the face you put on for everyone else, you were well aware of that. Of course you had gone back to her, you always did. She was a constant in your life, a chaotic constant, but one nonetheless. She runs her hands through your hair, her moans growing louder, and you push yourself to quicken the pace. "Yeah, that's it baby," she breathlessly urges. You want to tell her not to talk to you like that. You want no part of this. But if that's the case then why did you bring her on the road with you? You were sure (y/n) knew about her traveling with you by now. You hated yourself for doing this to her. Why couldn't you just let this relationship go? There is nothing here for you. How many times has that been made clear? A sharp pain trails along your back and you shoot a glare below you. She was marking what she thought was hers. You had repeatedly told her to stop leaving marks along your back. She smirks, knowing exactly what she had done. "You just feel so good baby," she moans, lifting up to kiss you. You kiss her back and push to finish faster. Her moans turn to screams as she lets everyone in the surrounding rooms know the hold she has on you. You immediately get out of the bed. Now that that is over you need to get out. Despite her protests to lay back down with her, you redress and exit the hotel room. She isn't going to follow you, you know that much. You take the lift down to the lobby of the hotel. You smile at the hotel staff behind the front desk as you walk through the brightly lit space only to step straight into the darkness of the night. The city police had cleared the fans from the hotel so you were fine to sit on the steps to think, exactly what you need to do. You pull your phone out of your jacket pocket, the light from the screen illuminating your face. Your thumb unlocks it and immediately open your contacts. You should call her. Have a conversation with her, any kind of conversation with her. You need to know she's alright. You understand her feelings are hurt, you had done a terrible thing by not fighting for her, not standing up for her. She should have never been the one to leave and go back home. She should still be in London waiting on you to get back to her. You don't treat your friends like this. Yet this is what she puts up with from you on the regular. You put her through so much, yet she's the one who always apologizes because she can never stand to see you hurt. Why can't you be like that? You stare at her name. Will she even answer? How angry will she be when she sees your name come up on her phone? There's only one way to find out. You select her name and hold the phone up to your ear. "Come on," you say softly as the rings begin. As more rings come your heart begins to sink, she isn't going to answer. You pull the phone away from your ear but the rings stop. "Hello?" A sleepy voice answers on the other end. Relief washes over you. She did answer.
Liam: It's official, and there's nothing you can do about it. Or is there? Word had gotten back to you about her and Mark making things official only a day ago, and you were already driving yourself mad with ways to stop it. You hadn't gone back home on your break for a reason. You didn't want to be around him. You didn't want to create any sort of situation where you would have to be introduced to him. He was nothing to you, and that's the way you wanted things to stay. You had tried over and over to get her to see how much things between you and her were changing, but she wasn't having any of it. She had professed on so many occasions that the two of you would still have the same relationship you have always had. Well that is bullshit. Things have already changed, and you weren't liking any of it. You sit in the hotel room, alone. Not how you usually spend a day off in a new city, but you couldn't find any reason to leave. The boys had asked you numerous times to come out with them but you refused. You just wanted to be left here to think. Think about how you were going to go about finally getting Mark out of the picture. You were sure a lot of people would think you were being way too overdramatic and over analyzing the situation way too much. You could care less. They don't know what the two of you had and now what you don't have since Mark stepped in the picture. It was time for him to go. Yes, of course, you are jealous. Is it your fault that she hasn't caught onto that? No. You have been very vocal about your thoughts towards her choices, yet she still continues to make them. The two of you have been in each other's lives for as long as you can remember, but not once did anything like this ever come up. This is on you, and you know it. You're just protecting her. No one else knows her like you do, no one else deserves to. You're sure if anyone could hear your thoughts right now they would be rolling their eyes and calling you pitiful. Let them do it, you don't care. You weren't ever going to give Mark a chance. Or maybe you were. She keeps saying that you haven't even given him a chance yet. Maybe that is your way in. If she sees that you've lightened up and decided to actually see what Mark is made of, you will have more say when it comes time to tell her that things aren't working out. It makes perfect sense to you. A smile spreads across your face as you think of the outcome of your plan. There was no way Mark would be staying around longer than needed. But right now you need to play nice. You grab your phone from the bedside table and call her, only one question in mind. "Hello," she answers, you can feel the slight confusion in her tone. "Hey, can you give me Mark's number?" "What?" Now she was really confused. "Yeah, I know. I don't know why I'm asking either. You keeping saying I'm not giving him a chance, so I guess now is as good of a time as ever." More confusion comes as silence falls on her end. Your smile grows. "So you want his number?" "Yeah, to talk and to get to know him. I'm not exactly going to be around to meet him for a while so I might as well get my foot in the door, even if that's just through a phone call." Your tone was genuine and you were pleased with yourself. "Okay, yeah, I'll text it to you." "Thanks love, I hope you're doing alright. I'm sorry about all of this drama. I've been a real twat." "No, no. It's fine." Was it really? Had she forgiven you that easily? "Well I just wanted to say sorry anyways." "Yeah, it's alright. Shit happens, you know. We're always going to be friends no matter what." "Agreed." Now, to see if she will actually stand by those words.
Niall: You wake up with a sigh at the realization of yet another empty bed. This was killer. She would normally be beside you no matter what city you were in today. She wasn't though; she was back in New York. And you were feeling the hangover of her presence. You sent her back a few days ago, but the feelings still linger. It sucks. The two of you had been going back and forth every chance you got in order to see one another. This new life you had entered in wasn't as easy to assimilate to as you had thought. Something has to be done. You know she needs to stay over in the States, her dream life is over there. Meanwhile, your dream life is all over the world and following you around is not an option. You pull your laptop up from the side of the hotel bed and rest it on your legs. You weren't sure what time it is in New York but you're hoping she's near a computer. You log on and see the small green light beside her face, immediately clicking to make the call. "Hey stranger," she greets with a bright smile, she was at work, you could tell by her outfit. "How is everything?" You begin with, not exactly sure how to go about this conversation quiet yet. "Everything is going well. I'm trying to make a final decision on duvets at the moment, so exciting I know." You chuckle slightly but remember your purpose. "Good, glad everything is going great. I won't keep you long, I just have something I need to tell you." Worry sweeps over her face and her attention is fully on you. "Okay?" You sigh and continue. "I don't think we should be visiting each other for a while." She looks at you through the screen with confusion, so you explain. "It's just too hard. I wake up and you aren't there and I'm supposed to be getting used to touring without you around and having breaks without you being there and I can't do that if you're coming over here or I'm going over there. I think we need to just stay in our places and things will be better for us." You are hoping she was having the same struggle with the situation, otherwise you are coming across as a real dick right now. She slowly begins to nod, but she still won't say anything. "I mean, you said Kati and her husband have been together for over twenty years. I'm sure they don't fly back and forth every single chunk of spare time they have. We've got to get used to being apart more permanently. I mean obviously this isn't going to last forever, but for right now I think it's the best thing for us." Not even the pixelated screen could cover up the tears that were falling from her eyes. Maybe she didn't feel the same way. Maybe you were the weaker one and you needed the distance. "Yeah, I agree," she says through her tears. "Okay, then why are you crying?" "It's just a really difficult situation. And actually having you say that we need to see each other less is really hard to hear. I guess it's what needs to happen, it just sucks to have to be told that." She seemed to be on the same page, that's all that matters. "Yeah, I know, but it's only going to make our relationship stronger." She nods, but now you have no idea what to do to make her feel better. "I've got to get back to work," she says before you can think of anything. "Okay. Please remember that I love you," you add quickly. She nods, holding in her emotions and turning off the chat. It needed to be done, just keep reminding yourself of that.
Louis: This wasn't your bed; this was a bunk. And this wasn't your house; this was a bus. Not exactly where you want to be, but you deal with it, just as you have been for years now. "Time to get up, mate," you hear as your curtain is pulled back, and the light of day is let in. You had already been awake for a while now, their loud cheering in the lounge made sure of that. You want to be back in France. You aren't sure where you are at the moment, but you're certain it isn't France. Cannes is your getaway. Your safe haven. Anytime you need to escape, that's where you go. It's only a bonus that there's a girl there to take care of you that loves you. She really does love you. She has made that evident over these last couple of months. She has been such a warrior, standing up for you and her, even when you aren't around. You've got yourself a good one. "Mate, get up!" You groan as you slowly slide out of the bunk, wiping your eyes and running your hands to fix your bed head. "Why are you even waking me up? None of you are doing anything," you observe as you step into the lounge. "Well you're the only one not back here so we thought we needed to get you up." "No thanks," you counter and walk to the front of the bus, none of them bothering to follow. You could tell them a million times to leave you alone and it would still never be enough. You set by the window as you watch the scenery go by. You've been in this setting far too many times. The routine of your life was torture, and apparently you were the only one that understood it. None of the other boys seemed to mind that they were never going to get out of this life. They acted like being bound by a contract was not that big of a deal. It was a big deal for you. The life that this contract brought on was not one that you signed up for. You wanted no part of it. You just want to be back in France. It's all you've been able to think about. Every night on stage you're sure you look like you're lost. That's because you are. This isn't where you're supposed to be, this is just where you are. This is where you have to be. You have to be on this bus, sitting in this chair, looking out this window as all of these cars drive by. In this moment, this is where you have to be; that piece of paper with your name signed at the bottom of it says so. And it seems like, just as always, you are the only one on the bus to feel this way. You continue to stare out the window. You could be using this time to call back home, well to Cannes that is. You could be talking to her. You're sure she could help you out in this. But what does she know? She hasn't been around long enough to know how you feel about being on the road. This is her first tour. She does love you though, and that should count for something. It doesn't though, and you know that would hurt her if she knew you felt that way. But she isn't going to know because you aren't going to tell her. You've been doing this on your own for years, dealing with all of these thoughts by yourself, and you've made it this far. What's a few more miles down the road going to do?
Zayn: You know you're lucky she came back. She didn't have to, but she did. You were just so angry though. She should have told you she was going to be coming home late. You had made plans to take her out. But those had been completely ruined by her selfish attitude. She hasn't spoken to you in days. She just mulls around the house. You're about to head back on tour, and she knows that, yet she isn't making any sort of acknowledgement towards your presence. "You know I'm leaving in a few days?" You question across the living room and she doesn't look up. "Yes," she replies, her voice cold. Why is she so stubborn? "And this is how you're going to be when I leave?" You try again. "How am I being?" She questions, looking up from the book she had been reading in the armchair across from you. "Like a stubborn bitch," you admit. Usually that type of language would get her riled up, but she remains calm in her chair. "It's only because you've made me this way." Her words are stone cold and you know she is meaning to be harsh. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" You counter, your anger rising. "I'm not fighting with you. Like you said, you're about to leave soon. The last thing I want is for this to end up like the last time." She gets up from the chair to leave the room, but your arm quickly reaches out to grab her. "We are not finished talking about this," you demand. "You can grab onto me and threaten me all you want to Zayn, if that's what you feel you have to do. I am just so done with playing defense all the fucking time." "Threaten you? You think this is threatening you?" You get up from your place on the couch to stand in front of her but she doesn't seem fazed. You had officially broken her beyond repair. She was just as cold as you now. You glare at her, trying anything to get a reaction like you once could, but nothing happens. She is exhausted. "Get out of my face," you retort, and she turns and walks way, still not harmed by your words. You sit back down on the couch. Is this what your relationship had turned into? Her just putting up with you? You know she loves you, she has to, right? Otherwise, she wouldn't be here, still living under the same roof as you. She doesn't know why you treat her like you do, you don't even know why you do it. All you know is that you're owned by your anger. The anger and stress of the last few years has built up, and she's the only person you know you can truly take it out on without consequences. She will always come back and she will always love you. She's made that very clear over these last few months while trying to help you out. It doesn't help that you continue to drink. That's what vocalizes your anger. You could be much more productive if you channeled the anger out through writing or music instead of letting the vodka try its hand. You weren't being fair to anyone in this situation, especially not her. You just hoped that your grip on her would keep her around until you got back from tour. Maybe then you can figure things out.