Don't watch me go. (Minsung)

//42//

jisung had arrived twenty minutes after minho's call.

it took a while because his mom was trying to argue with him.

it had come to the point when jisung felt absolutely nothing. no fear, or anger, and he just waited for his mom to finish, silently.

he sat up and waited for her anger tantrum to finish, because jisung claimed that even though she can get like this- she was still his mother.

after she started drinking again- he took this time to just get up and leave.

he knew he should've felt bad.

but too much was happening to him right now.

he felt as if he was taking steps back and not forward anymore.

he was at a point of low again.

a huge part of him wished he didn't leave his room so he could be alone and just feel.

he wanted to be alone.

but he forced himself to go to minho's house. he owed it to him.

he felt like he was dragging himself down and he feared that was going to happen to minho too because of him.

he stood in front of minho's door in the cold for a few minutes, hesitating and contemplating on just turning around and going back to his house.

however after two more seconds he grew it in him to knock on the door, shivering from the cold.

minho opened the door with a kind smile, pulling jisung in and out of the cold. "hey." he spoke, and the moment jisung looked into his eyes he felt guilt.

he looked at his fingers, as he fiddled with them. "hi."

"woah you're so cold. come in front of the heater." minho insisted, guiding jisung in the living room and sitting him down in front of the heater.

jisung, while looking at the floor thanked him kindly as he felt the cold melt away off his skin.

jisung didn't really look good.

granted of course he had been in a fight the day prior, but his expression looked gloomy.

minho noticed this, and tried to get him to look better. "do you want me to make you something? you hungry?"

jisung hadn't eaten anything since yesterday, which was before everything. he left the cheesecake that he was so excited for on the counter of his house and never ate anything after that.

part of him got excited at the mention of food, until he remembered what junseo had said.

his smile quickly disappeared as he shook his head, holding his stomach with his arm. "no im not hungry."

he felt self conscious all over again. he wanted to get rid of the fat on his face, so he thought hard about eating what was being offered.

at this minho eyed jisung. "did you eat before you got here?"

jisung hated to lie. especially to minho. but he bit down on his tongue as he felt his stomach growl a little. "yeah i had leftovers." he explained, lying.

while saying this, minho had also noticed that jisung wasn't looking at him. but before he could've opened his mouth to ask about it, jisung spoke again.

"hey.." the younger suddenly began. "i wanted to come back here to tell you how sorry i am.. i know you're going to say it's okay but im really really sorry.."

minho wasn't expecting jisung's voice to sound the way it did. so frail and shaky. so guilt filled.

"i don't know why you'd want to be near me after this.. im so sorry you got hurt for me.. im not worth you getting hurt for- for anyone getting hurt. you shouldn't be harmed from being near me- im so sorry.." his voice drew out as tears filled his eyes.