The Sweet Husband

The SH and the Squirrel

Late yesterday evening, as the sweet husband was kind of dozing after having driven a nascar race and played in two college football games, all while sitting in his recliner, I heard a knock coming from the fireplace.

The fireplace has a glass covering over the front of it that locks, I didn't see anything, so I went to the kitchen, as I came back into the den, I hear a knock coming from the direction of the fireplace again.

I turn around and there is a squirrel behind the glass, apparently wanting to come in for a visit.

I rouse the SH and tell him there is a squirrel knocking on the fireplace And then the conversation went downhill.

SH: Who's knocking on the door and why in the hell don't they ring the door bell?

Me: It's a squirrel and he's inside the fireplace, knocking on the glass.

SH: What girl and who knocked her on her ass?

ME: LOUDLY,SQUIRREL, SQUIRREL, AND IT'S IN THE DAMN FIREPLACE.

SH: OH! Leave it alone, it will go back up the way it came down.

Me: But it's knocking on the glass and looking at me, maybe something's wrong.

SH: I don't know what you want me to do, I'm not letting the damn squirrel come in the house, this house has enough squirrels coming in without them coming in thru the damn fireplace.

Me: Get a towel or something, then I can open the glass and you can grab it and take it outside.

SH: No, Tommie, tap on the glass and it will go back up, I am not trying to tackle a squirrell.

Me: But what if he can't get out, look at him, he looks scared.

SH: Something under his breath that I didn't quite catch.

Me: Are you being an ass? Get the squirrel out.

SH: I'm not being an ass, and I'm not wrestling a squirrel, leave the squirrel alone.

Every few minutes I would say, he's looking at me, something is wrong.

Finally the SH goes over and lightly taps on the glass, the squirrel goes back up the chimney, as soon as the SH gets back to his chair down comes the squirrel and looks at me.

After about two hours of me whining about the lonely squirrel in the fireplace, the not so damn sweet husband picks up the panic button for the house alarm and pushes the button.

The alarm comes on, the squirrel looks like it's having a heart attack, I scream shut the damn thing off, you have killed the squirrel and the squirrel runs up the chimney and we haven't seen him since.

After the alarm company calls and I get the code thing done so they don't send the police, I glance over at the SH just as he is mouthing there's more than one damn squirrel in this house.

He's right, he's just wrong about which one of us it is.