The Sweet Husband

The first time the SH sees the Rifle

What an interesting weekend we had! Just a note, thunderstorms and the mentally ill, combined with one with physical illness is not the best combination for most households. However, for ours, it was just another walk in the park.

The thunderstorms started fairly early, I did not feel well, just nauseated at first, but yucky enough that I was doing a lot of laying around feeling sorry for myself.

Other than the sweet husband feeling like he should be taking care of someone that really just wants to be left alone when they don't feel well there was not much excitement until after midnight.

I started getting really sick, so I called my sister and the sweet husband went down to her house to get me some medicine. As he came back, a more severe thunderstorm began to pass over.

As I was running down the hall to the bathroom, Sheryl came out of her room and asked Randy if he heard the artillary fire. He reassured her that what she was hearing was thunder, and even showed her the radar on the weather channel. He thought he had that all handled really well.

The thunder got really really loud, Sheryl runs out of her room and screams we are being bombed. Randy is trying to calm her down, I am going back to the bathroom, as I go down the hall I hear her saying, Sergeant, if you are not out here in five minutes with your rifle, I will have you court martialed.

The sweet husband has calmed her once again, she has gone back to her room, the medicine I have taken has finally kicked in and I am going to sleep in my recliner.

There is a huge clap of thunder, louder than any I have ever heard, and her bedroom door swings open and she brings out what she believes is her rifle , screaming at the top of her lungs as to how she will shoot him herself if he does not get his rifle.

Now, I think I have mentioned before, that when Sheryl gets these delusions of being attacked she marches up and down the sidewalk outside carrying a very large replica of a man's private parts that is bright, BRIGHT pink in color, that I have thrown away about 40 times and it always shows back up. I have told Randy about this, but he doesn't go outside, he lets me handle that particularly embarassing part.

He looks at her "rifle", looks at me, looks at the rifle, looks at me, puts his hands together, and says Lord, if you will just take me now, or hell, let her shoot me but make that thing shoot real bullets, I will never ask for another thing again.

I am laughing like a lunatic, tell her to go to her room, let her yell a little, and then tell her again, it's ok, go to your room, repeat that until she finally gives up and goes.

He may never be the same, but at least today he is laughing about it.