The Sweet Husband

When the SH was a single man

A conversation in the home of the totally insane:

the sweet husband tells me that we need to get Sheryl's invisible friends, Cody and Edmond to come back.

me: hmmmmm, I don't think they will come back with her gone. Why do you feel the need for that, were they helping you with something?

sh: No, but you only let me be the boss on the weekends when you are working, and since nobody's here but me, I got nobody to boss, so if you get them to come back, I can get stuff done. If you would let me be the boss during the week, we wouldn't have that problem.

me: Ok, I can buy that, but I can't picture you out in the yard burying rocks, and that is what they always had Sheryl doing.And we don't need a boss during the week. We both know what we need to do, we don't need one of us telling the other one what to do and when to do it.

sh: But I'll be the boss, I'll be the one telling them to bury the damn rocks. I could tell you what to do even if you already know it, you don't listen anyway, but it would make me feel better to know I am being the boss.

me: I like for you to feel better, and I can't control what you say when I am not listening, but you and I both know that if I should accidentally hear you telling me what to do, especially if I am already doing it, the stuff is going to hit the fan and I will be cranky.

sh: I don't like stuff hitting the fan, it always seems to splatter back all over me, why is that? Is it because I never get cranky?

me: I think it's more likely that you are ALWAYS cranky, so you can't really tell the difference.

sh: I don't think I was always cranky when I was a single man.

me: Probably not,  you were too lonely to worry about being cranky.

sh: I could have been, I really can't remember that far back.

me: Just remember, if you ever decide you just can't stand being terminally cranky, we can arrange for you to be a single man again, no worries.

SH: Nah, as long as I get to be boss while you are at work I'm good. Let's not talk about this anymore, because if you get really cranky I will have to live in hell for a week or two, and I ain't got time for that.

me: You are such an intelligent man, I'm glad you are mine!